


Under the surface

by charlyflowers



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bipolar Disorder, Boys In Love, Even is the cutest, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Isak wants to be happy, M/M, Miscommunication, Sexual Content, i will add tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 22:02:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11975931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlyflowers/pseuds/charlyflowers
Summary: Isak is forced to go on a blind date.He meets Even.Things happen.





	1. I can do this

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, this is my first story here, so please be patient, I have honestly no idea what I'm doing, I just want to write!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_I can do this_ , said the little voice in his head as he fumbled for the hundredth time at his collar to make it looking less crumpled.

He probably should have ironed it. But that includes effort, so...

I can do this I can do this I can –

“Isak, you´re ready?“

Fuck.

_I can´t do this._

The thing was, it wasn´t like Isak didn´t want to go out or didn´t want to get laid, thank you. His body literally starved for someone to touch him, kiss him, give it to him hard from –

“Isaaaaak!“

But a blind date?

That was something he never signed up for. It was the very very last thought in the back of his mind, because what was the point of going to a place to meet a stranger you no nothing about? And then you are supposed to have fun with this person – a whole evening long! And how high were the chances that this person would be so nice and lovely and hot that Isak´s first thoughts would be oh ya, I want to sleep with you and maybe get a house and a dog and then we´re gonna adopt children.

Jonas, his best friend, had shushed him and argued as the smartass that he was, that Isak is of course not supposed to marry that guy he would meet, he should just have a little bit fun.  
And Magnus and Sana – his other very good friends – had nodded eagerly in agreement.

Isak hated all of them.

Actually, it had been Magnus` idea to get Isak a blinddate.

Who else would come up with such crap?

Isaks first reaction was just laughing. Then, when he was aware Magnus wasn´t joking around, he was going like no. Never gonna happen, leave me alone I want to watch Game of Thrones in my bed. No thanks, Magnus, get your dumb idea out of your head and in your ass. 

But Magnus didn´t stop talking about it, until he got Jonas on board – for which Isak still hates him a little bit – so eventually, Isak had agreed – alone to shut Mags the fuck up!  
Isak looked in the small mirror in the small bathroom of their small shared apartment and sighed.

Eskild and Linn, his roommates, were out – Eskild for work; he worked at the centre of “children of love“, an organization which fights for kid´s rights in different countries and he often gets the late shift to get emergency calls, and Linn were out with her boyfriend Julian.

Isak didn´t like him, but at least he was nice when he was with Linn.

He gave himself one last look.

He didn´t look too bad: black tight jeans, a dark blue sweater over a checked shirt, whose said collar stuck out at his neck. His hair was slicked and brushed behind his ears, his usually light curls gone.  
He looked older than usual. He didn´t know if he liked it.

“For the last time, Isak, if you´re not gonna open the door right now I swear I will...“

“Jeez, calm down Vilde! I´m coming!“

One last look.

He was Isak.

He was still himself. 

And he should´nt freak out so much over a fucking blind date. He was gonna survive it.

Probably.

He unlocked the door and stepped outside.

“Wow!“, Vilde said high pitched, as soon as he walked into the light of the corridor. “Yo´re looking hot!“

Isak huffed.

He didn´t want Vilde to be his chauffeur, but she had insisted. Which was kind of nice.

He would thank her later.

Maybe.

“Come on, sweetie, we´re gonna be late!“

_I don´t want to_ , his head sreamed, _I want to go back and crawl under my sheets and disappear._

Fuck social life.

He smiled and headed for his shoes. “Sure, Vilde.“

 

.

 

Neither of them spoke as they entered the car. Vilde, after tossing a worried look over him, which he ignored, she cleared his throat and turned on some song in the radio. Isak didn´t paid much attention until he realized what it was.

“Noooooo“, he groaned, „turn it off, please!“

“But it´s a nice song...“ Vilde laughed at him and sang the lyrics.

 

"Deeespasiiito, na na na na na na na na na na na na..."

 

“You don´t even know how to sing this shitty song!“

“You just hate it because everybody hears it all day“, Vilde waved his commend away.

“I´m getting out of the car. Goodbye, see you tomorrrow.“

“Isak!“

„Seriously, Vilde, change it.“

“It´s my car, Isak.“

“And my date.“

Vilde sighed deep, but turned the radio channel.

 

"And a thousand times I´ve seen this road,  
A thousand times"

 

„I´ve got no roots“, Vilde bellowed excited and laughed at Isak´s expression. „Come on, Isak, sing with me.“

„No, thanks.“

„I´ve changed the sender, come on! Please“

He sighed.

Deep.

 

„I've got no roots uh uh uh uh“, he sang quietly and then, as he watched Vilde´s happy face about his try, he smiled and sang a little bit louder.  
„I've got no roots uh uh uh uh.“

 

Maybe it calmed him down a little bit.

A little little bit.

 

.

 

His smile wasn´t gone until they reached the fancy restaurant in town. It was one of the sort Isak would never go to – not because he didn´t like it, but because of the prices they got. Isak wasn´t a rich student and his job after his classes in uni – he worked at Sturbucks - got him barely the rent for the apartment.

But his blind date had insisted in this, which was a move Isak didn´t like. He didn´t want to be here, between all the fancy rich people in expensive suits, eating cavier and drinking red wine imported from Greece.

„Hey.“

Vilde´s voice broght him back out of his thoughts.

She smiled at him warmly. „Are you okay?“

He opened the mouth to barked at her as usual when someone asked this question the half past year. But then he remembered that she actually cared.

And that she new.

Aboput his crappy, horrible, heartbreaking last year.

So he swallowed and smiled at her. „Yes“, he said a little bit husky. „Thanks for everything, Vilde.“

She reached out and touched her arm. „Call if... well... if I should come and kick his ass.“

He laughed at that.

„Okay.“

They hugged and Isak felt a warm feeling.

Vilde was a nice friend. A pain in the ass, but the heart at the right place.

 

Then she turned the car and disappeard in the traffic.

Isak took a deep breath.

You can do this, man, you can do this.

It´s just one damn evening. You don´t even have to be nice if you don´t like him.

But before he made his way inside, he checked his phone.

He got a few messages from his friends.

 

**Madhi:** _You got this bro! Have fun and do whatever you want, it´s okay!_

**Jonas:** _Take it easy. If you need me, just call I´ll stay awake the whole night, am at a party anyways. Love ya pal <3_

**Sana:** _Have a nice time buddy <33_

**Eva:** _Ey, I want the details tomorrow, okay? don´t do anything I wouldn´t do! Btw, big step, proud of you Isak, serr <33_

**Eskild:** _My little baby gay! Watch out, don´t let him fuck you without condom, you never know... despite how handsome he might be. And you don´t have to swallow him, don´t let him force you, if he wants, I put a new pepper spray in your jacket, USE IT! So anyways, I´m so proud of you little sunshine, please be safe and remember to have fun. And if I don´t hear anything from you until one am, I´m gonna call the police. Your guru is so fucking proud <3333333_

**Magnus:** _If you don´t fuck him I´m so disappointed in you Isak, all my efforts would be for nothing! Kidding, just kidding. I love you, tell me the dirty details tomorrow and let him pay!!_

 

Isak smiled at his phone. His friends were so fucking great.

He just wanted to put his phone back in his pocket, as a new message plopped up.

 

**Vilde:** _Have fun and remember, if you want to go home instead, I´ll be there in one minute. It´s not a shame at all. <3_

 

He shaked his head. Sometimes Vilde could be scaring attentive.

 

**Isak:** _Put your phone away, you´re useless for me if you create a car crash and die_

**Vilde:** _Love ya too, jerk_

**Isak:** _< 3_

 

Finally, he shoved his phone back in his pocket and made his way into the restaurant. Before he entered the hall, he felt a small spray can in his jacket pocket on the left side. He smiled warmly and stepped inside.

 

.

 

„Can I help you, Sir?“

Oh crap, this kind of restaurant.

„Ehh“, Isak stuttered, looking helpless in the friendly face of the waiter who stands in the hallway to greet the new guests. "I... I´ve got a reservation for eight. Valtersen?“

The waiter nodded, moved his small golden glasses down his nose and looked at the register in his black book.

„Aah, yes, I got your name... please follow me, Sir, your table is outside, right there at the fontain.“

„Fontain“, echoed Isak weakly.

„You are very lucky with the weather, Sir, a few hours ago it was raining. But now the air is clear and fresh, it´s perfect! Oh, where is your accompaniment, by the way? I see your reservation is for two persons...?”

“Oh... he´s on his way”, Isak hurried to say and tried to ignore the knot in his stomach.

The waiter just nodded and led him through tables and people a few stairs down and then outside and Isak´s moth fell open.

“Wow.” He couldn´t suppress it and the waiter laughed. “Yeah, it´s pretty nice, I see it every day, so I forget how beautiful it actually is.”

It was. It really was.

It was a big terrace with a multicolored stone floor. In the centre stood the fountain, which was surrounded by the tables, and the boundary around the place was created by big hedges. Light strings were hanging inside the hedges and in the only big tree, which stood on the right of the fountain. There were also standing tables.

It was a clear night, Isak could see a few stars and the moon threw his light on the terrace and wrapped everything up in a warm dizzy and welcomed atmosphere.

“ Here is yout table, Sir.”

Isak blinked a few times. He spent the last minute with staring, mouth gaping open. He blushed and followed the waiter to a small table directly by the fountain, but with a good look at the huge tree.

“Thank you”, he said and sat down.

The waiter smiled.

“My pleasure. Your waiter for the night is coming in a minute!” He smiled one last time, then he walked away, back inside and Isak sat alone and felt uncomfortable.

He was so nervous he barely could enjoy the place he was. He was surrounded by people and they were all talking, and he was the only one with no company...  
He will come, Isak tried to soothe himself. He will come in a few minutes. It´s okay if he´s a little bit late...

But the feeling to be ditched didn´t disappear.

Isak´s heart was drumming in his thorat. His fist clenched around the fancy white napkin on the table. He felt the knots again, but this time he felt also the big lump in his throat and that was even worse because that ment he was going to cry and that was the last thing he wanted, not in public, not again in fucking public because someone was fucking with him –

“Excuse me, Sir, everything okay?”

A deep voice took him out of his swirl of his ugly and hurting thoughts. But he was still hard breathing and his eyes were watery, so he didn´t dare to look up.

“Yes”, he said quiet, “I... could I just have a glass water, please?”

A moment of silemce.

“Are you sure you don´t need something stronger?”

The voice was nice, it was not a mean comment and Isak felt the smile in that voice. He still looked down in his lap. His fist was still clenching the napkin. He let go.

“Yeah, thanks”, he murmured and smiled.

Hopefully, the waiter saw it.

“Of course, Sir”, was the answer and then the waiter disappeard again.

Isak took a deep breath.

Okay. It was okay. It was only... twenty minutes. He stucked in traffic probably.

He looked awkwardly around befor he quickly wiped his tears away.

He was not a baby.

He was an adult, he was going to nail this thing.

Shit, he probably should had ordered some alcohol.

He checked his phone. No new messages. He didn´t want to bother his friends that early. Or worse – to worry them. He sighed and wanted to put his phone in his jacket, but he failed and it slid away and crashed on the floor.

Isak cursed and got on his knees to get his phone back.

“Here´s your water and – oh”, was all he heard befor his head appeared again at the table.

“Oh, thank you”, Isak said and took a big sip from the glass. Then he looked up to the waiter, because he still stood at his table.

And that was a thing he probably shouldn´t have done.

Isak choked on his water, he put the glass down and coughed and tried to get air back in his lungs.

The hand on his back which patted him which force _didn´t help at all!_

“I was going to offer you a whiskey to help your nerves, but if water alone is enough to kill you, then I shuld probably go away with that stuff as far as possible.”  
Isak could only stare.

It was not his fault; his brain had decided apparently to take a break.

The man, who was his waiter, was gorgeous.

He was tall, very tall; Isak was sure he was taller than him and Isak was sticking about the most people in his surroundings. His hair was styled and slicked back, James Dean style, but there was a quiff about his forehead which was stubborn against the way.

Isak´s finger itched to reach out and put the strain back in order.

Or curl it around his finger, he was not quite sure.

He shaked his head a litte.

What was he doing? He just took one look on him. Jeez, Isak, calm down for fucks sake!

He looked up in the waiter´s face – his beautiful, beautiful face, hello cheekbones! – and tried to ignore the blue eyes and the raised eyebrow in question.

Oh crap, he just joked about something and he just stared at him like an idiot.

“Errm...” Isak cleared his throat and smiled akwardly at him, trying to get his pride back.

Probably a lost game.

“Yea, ah, I actually... take it.”

The eyebrows went higher.

Both of them this time.

“You sure? It was last year when I accomplished the first aid measures.”

Isak laughed. “Ey! I just got a little bit water in my lungs, okay?”

“Mmmh. Yeah right.”

“So, could I get it, or...?” he raised his eyebrow. He had game, after all, dammit!

The waiter smirked.

“Sure, Sir”, he said and put a second glass on the table. “Welcome to our restaurant.”

He beamed at Isak and fulled led a little bow in front of him.

 

“I´m Even, your waiter and I´m looking after you for tonight.”


	2. I need a pen. Do you have one?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak's date finally arrives!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me longer than I thought because I'm sick as fuck, but I wanted to upload this nevertheless.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, I had some problems at first and no nerve to fix it now. I'll do that later.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, hope you can catch up with Isak's thoughts!

When the waiter - his waiter, _Even_ \- disappeared inside again, Isak took a deep calming breath.

It was going to be okay. His date would show up in a few minutes, he would have a very nice evening and hopefully an even nicer night and maybe a sore ass in the morning.

Or maybe not. Maybe he would not get laid today, which was totally okay. It would be totally enough if his date would be nice and just not an asshole.

But for that he should just appear already!

Isak felt anger rise in his chest. It was not fair; he was an adult, no one had the right to fuck with him like that. For a brief, ugly moment the idea of Jonas and Magnus showed up in the back of his head, laughing their asses off because of an Isak sitting alone at a table, waiting for someone who would never show up.

Then he shook his head violently.

They would never do that. Jonas would never do that to him and neither Magnus. They were one of his best friends, fuck, Jonas _was_ his best friend!

 

But were was his date?

Isak groaned and took a sip from the drink, which _Even_ had placed in front of him. He was gonna freak out if nothing would happened in the next few seconds.

He took a sip, swallowed - and had to cough so hard that he almost fell off the chair.

Holy crap, what was this?! Oh god, it tasted so _awful_!

He was shure it was something he had never tasted before and he got the feeling that he would have come through life perfectly fine without this crap!

He wiped his tears away.

"I asked you if you're shure, Sir." A very amused voice made Isak look up from the drink, only to find an very amused Even, standing in front of him, in one hand the menu carte, in the other a lighter. He smiled at him.

Isak started to find it annoying. Why was he in such a good mood, when Isak was sitting here, alone, with a burning throat, a horrible drink in front of him and tears from the scratching down his throat in his eyes? Anyway: Why was everybody in such a good mood? Everybody but me, he thought before he realized that he sounded like a kid in his head.

He then realized that he didn't give a response to Even.

Again.

Fuck.

"Errm", he began, "I..."

He wanted to answer Even, but somehow he didn't know what to say. He had himself embarassed, for the second time in less than five minutes. Nice, if it was this easy with his waiter, how awsome it's gonna be with his fucking date?! If Even would just stop being so... Isak couldn't find a word what would describe this man. Glorious. Maybe that would fit. He should just stop being so _damn_ glorious, because Isak felt more and more like shit because of everything, fuck this! And he should stop his eyebrows. 

This fucking eyebrows.

isak hated them. He never thought he would be able to have such a big antipathy against any specific part of a face, but here he was.

Because they kept moving and distracting him and made him feel... helpless. He didn´t know how to respond to these eyebrows.

So he just took a few sips from his water to stop his throat from being on fire.

"Can I have the menu, please?", was the final harsh answer he was able to give.

_What the hell, Isak, what is wrong with you?_

The eyebrows went down and Even made a face at Isak's harsh voice, but he said nothing. He handed the menu over and then stepped beside Isak and lighted the little candle on the table without a word.

"Here you go", he said finally and stepped back. His eyebrows didn't move. Neither did his expression. 

Suddenly Isak wished he had said nothing, he didn't want upset Even because of something he could nothing for. Just Magnus and Jonas, his great friends, Isak thought grimly. But it was too late and he was frustrated. So the only thing he said was a murmured "thank you" because of the candle action. Even just nodded. Isak stared at the fountain in the moonlight and wished himself far, far away. Inside his bed and under his sheets, forever ever ever. 

"I hope your date is coming soon, Sir."

Isak looked at Even with a frown, only to find a completely blank expression. He wanted to get that smile back if he was honest. It was gone because of him; now he thought Isak was a rhich asshole who didn't want to be bothered with waiters and their talks. But on the other hand... why was he asking that? Was he hitting on Isak? No, don't be ridiculous, Isak, it is his job! But he was still embarrassed with himself and wanted Even to be gone so he could hide his face behind his palmes. 

"Why?"

Isak's mouth had spilled the question out before he was able to think. But it was true; why would anybody would show interest if his date would coming or not?

The question came out louder then he had intended, but it was too late now. And he was tired and sad and had no interest in fake talks anymore which no content. And he was angry and annoyed with himself because he was getting distracted so _easy _by the first hot person he ran into on this evening. So he just waited for Even to excuse himself and get him another waiter, because he didn't want to serve him anymore and just stared into his blue eyes.__

__But Even didn't go anywhere. He just stand were he was, the lighter still in his hand and a serious expression on his face._ _

__A heartbeat of silence passed before he answered him._ _

__"I just... I don't like seeing peope sad and alone. It's not how it should be."_ _

__Isak couldn't help himself but spill out a bitter laugh. "Oh yea? Sorry that not everybody is all like sunshine and happiness, like you, _Even_."_ _

__When he saw the look on Even's face he added, "sorry, I didn't want to get rude..."_ _

__"Oh, that train has left the station, Sir", Even said quietly.__

__What._ _

__Isak cursed himself. He had upset him even if this man only tried to be nice to him. Maybe he would stop if Isak explained that he didn't deserve nice things?__

__That he had left his own mother because of something she hadn't asked for either and denied to help her when she needed it, because he was a piece of shit and was afraid and a coward?_ _

__That his relationship with his father was - like, non-existent? That Isak coulnd't forgive him for leaving her, even if he did exactly the same?_ _

__That he was fired from his job at the library, because his boss was a homophobic asshole and saw Isak's instagram profile one day so that he was forced to work his balls off at fucking _sturbucks_? _ _

__That his love, his great love, had cheated on him and when he had found out he only had said: "ask yourself why, Isak"? That he was heartbroken, even a half year later? That it still hurt when he remebered the last _fucking two years_ ? An not only because of his ex. _ _

__That he coulnd't breathe sometimes, because he didn't feel like he deserved it?_ _

____Jonas had helped him. He, Magnus and Vile had gone through the worst with Isak. He had slept six weeks on Jona's couch and Vilde had found him a new job. Jonas and Magnus had forced him eventually to start uni again and get his life together. As far as he was able to do it. Magnus came even up with grindr, and, when he checked that Isak didn't go out anymore, he came up with this blind date plan. Isak agreed to the most of their suggestions, went back to uni, deleted his ex's number..._ ___

___So. Everything was okay._ _ _

___That he had still trouble to sleep, still didn't open up to new people, still didn't call his mom, still didn't call his dad back..._ __

__

___Well. Nobody needed to know._ _ _

__

___Isak forced himself out of his thoughts and found Even still standing at his table, a concerned look on his face._ _ _

__

__"Evreything okay, Sir?"_ _

__No. Since I'm fifteen nothing is okay. But why would you care?_ _

___"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you", Isak apologized. Even frowned. "Um, okay." He paused. Then - "Sorry you didn't get the joke and went all sad in your face. Maybe I should let it be and gonna be all serious?"_ _ _

__

__Isak stared at him._ _

__Than it clicked and he let out a unbelieving noise. "That was a _joke?_ Are you kidding me, you were alll serious the whole time..."_ _

__"No, I smiled, but you didn't saw it, because you looked like... far away with your thoughts all of the sudden." Even eyed him with a frown. "You shure you are okay?"_ _

__"Yes, yes." Isak hurried to say, "you are just terrible at making jokes."_ _

__"Now I'm hurt" said Even with a horrified expression and his eyebrows back in game. "It's not my fault you didn't get a good joke, though."_ _

____"Oi", said Isak and tried to hide his relief that Even wasn't mad at him. "Are you supposed to talk with your guests like that?"__  


"Oh, so you are my guest?" Even's right eyebrow went high in amusement. 

__

__"Why am I sitting here, what do you think?", he asked and took another sip from his drink to make a statement. He tried to ignore the intense stare of Even's eyes and swallowed without coughing. Then he failed at trying to hide his tears because he couldn't cough and the liquid burned it's way down his throat. Then Even began to laugh so hard that he had to hold on on the table for support and Isak _had to_ laugh and cough, too and spilled the half of the drink over the table. _ _

__

__

__

__Eventually the coughing won over the laughing and Isak had to empty the waterglass before he chocked._ _

__

__

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__"So", Even said, after they wiped away the tears from laughing - Even- and coughing - Isak -, "you are my guest. How nice."_ _

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__

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__"Obviously", Isak answered, "even if I don't know if I should stay, since you're planning to poison me or..."_ _

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__

__

__"What?"_ _

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__

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__Isak chuckled at the sight of an offended Even who had put very dramatically a hand over his heart, "I would never do that to you, Sir, what give you the..."_ _

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__

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__Isak pointed at the drink in front of him. Even paused._ _

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__

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__"Well", he said after a moment, "it's not my fault you aren't able to drink alcohol and I didn't know, so it's not my fault and -"_ _

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__"Excuse me?! _I'm not able to drink?"__ _

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__

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___"Alcohol", finished Even for him, "yeah."_ _ _

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___Isak snorted. "Oh yea? , challenge accepted. Even, bring me five shots of vodka."_ _ _

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___A beat of silence._ _ _

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___"Yeah, right."_ _ _

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___"I'm serious."_ _ _

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___"Me too."_ _ _

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___"Even!"_ _ _

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___"That's my name, yes. Good conclusion."_ _ _

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___"What the... Even, you are supposed to bring me whatever I want to eat or drink or whatever I want in this fucking restaurant!" Isak was fully aware that he sounded like the most spoiled brat in history and his voice kept getting louder so a few guest stared at him in disbelief, but Isak didn't care because Even laughed again, loud and full of heart. He laughed so hard he coulnd't answer him and Isak waited, smiling._ _ _

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__

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___" _Well_ , I am also responsible for the health of my guests, so..." He still chuckled a little bit, his eyes were sparkling._ _ _

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___"It would do a great favor for my health, thank you!" Isak didn't let go. he wanted his alcohol, dammit._ _ _

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___"Greetings from your liver."_ _ _

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___"Greet back. It should do it's job", he said with gritted teeth._ _ _

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___"You're not careful with yourself, Sir."_ _ _

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___"Five shots won't kill me."_ _ _

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___"No, but I am responsible for the reputation of this restaurant. If I let you getting drunk, you would do maybe something stupid and scare the other guests away and then nobody would come here anymore and I would get kicked out of my job and I would get homeless and have to live under a bridge." Even looked at Isak with big, blue eyes. "Do you want that, Sir?"_ _ _

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___"It's stupid to sleep under a bridge. There's a terrible draft", Isak tried but he smiled anyway. "And five shots, come on, I'm not a child."_ _ _

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___Even ran his hand through his hair. "No, but I don't know what your date is gonna give you to drink, so..." He looked at Isak and winked, "be careful."_ _ _

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___Isak obliged. "Okay, okay, fine", he sighed, "then... a glass of banana juice?"_ _ _

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___Even beamed at him. "One glass with banana juice, of course, Sir."_ _ _

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___Isak rolled his eyes. "Ugh, and drop that, please."_ _ _

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___Even looked up. "What?"_ _ _

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___" _Sir_ ", Isak murmured and felt himself blushing. _ _ _

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___Great, Isak, great._ _ _

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___"I just... I'm not a "Sir", or whatever, I'm just... I'm Isak, okay?" Suddenly there was a sincerely and serious tone in his voice and he wasn't able to look at Even._ _ _

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___Then he heard Even say:_ _ _

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___"Isak."_ _ _

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___As he would hear it for the first time._ _ _

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___Oh. He _heard_ it for the first time, actually._ _ _

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___Isak looked at Even and found a not less sincere expression in his face._ _ _

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___"Isak", he repeated. "Okay."_ _ _

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___He then smiled at Isak, who smiled back and then Isak finally looked into the menu. When he started to notice that Even was going to move away, he looked up._ _ _

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___"Even?"_ _ _

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___"Yes, Isak?"_ _ _

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__

__

___"And I'm... I'm not alone. Just for the record."_ _ _

__

__

__

___Even said nothing a long time._ _ _

__

__

__

___"I hope so", he said finally, before he turned on his heels and disappeared to get Isak's juice._ _ _

__

__

__

Isak stared at his back, until he was gone behind a hedge.

He shook his head.

Even was nice. Nice _and_ hot. That was all. It was his job to be nice with peopele or even flirt a little bit with them for a good tip, Isak wouldn't blame him. He also made it clear in his head that he didn't want anything from his waiter - he was just relieved.

He could relax; he was able to communicate like a normal human being - at least he hoped so - and talk with Even.

That was good. He had not failed, and when his date would appear, he would going to...

"Isak Valtersen?"

.

Isak nearly choked at his own air. Why he got always something in his lungs this evening?

Isak swallowed and looked up.

There was standing a man.

A big man with dark hair, a big nose and hazelnut eyes.

Not unattractive.

"Hi", he said and walked towards Isaks's table. A few strains of his hair kept falling into his eyes. He wiped them away.

"My name is William Magnusson and -"

"Will? Where are you, man, I'm looking for you like..."

Isak stared behind _William_ and saw another man coming to his table.

Isak tried to hide behind his candle.

"Here you are, man!", the arrived person said, clapping William on the back. He had short brown hair and brown eyes, which checked Isak with an interested glimmer inside. He was not very tall but also not very short - maybe 1,80, Isak would guess.

He seemed like a man with much energy and - absolutely no shame, because now he reached for Isaks hand, shook it and said with a - what he apparently thought - sexy voice:

"Isak, right? Mmmh... I'm Chris. Chris Schistad." He showed him all of his dazzling white teeth.

"Hi", said Isak with a raspy voice. He shook Chris' hand and tried not to freak out.

"So, I'm letting you guys alone", William said with a bored vice and looked on his phone. "I gotta go."

"Yea, see you, man." Chris didn't move his eyes away from Isak.

Isak heard William snorting. "Be nice", he said and Isak asked himself if he imagined the warning tone in his voice. He was impressed how someone managed to sound warning _and_ bored at the same time.

But Chris only waved his hand at him. "Go, go to your special meeting, guy", he said with an overpraised cheer, which William acknowledged with a roll of his eyes.

"Okay." He nodded to Isak as a goodbye and made his way back through the tables.

Isak wished him a more interesting meeting.

"So... Isak."

Oh snap.

Right. Now it all would come an end... Isak breathed quickly through his nose. He was alone with this stranger, he didn't knwo what to do, he...

"May I?"

Isak looked up. Chris pointed at the free chair. Isak nodded and tried a smile.

Chris seemed satisfied and sat down.

"Oh wow, you started without me!", he complainted playfully.

Isak looked at his two glasses. Then he raised an eyebrow.

"You are late."

he knew that it was not the smartest move to begin a conversation which should lead into something more maybe, but he couldn't help himself. He had been afraid and thought he was fucked over by him.

"It's been..." He looked at his phone and then in Chris' face, "forty six minutes."

He sounded cold. He didn't care. <

"Oh", said Chris and looked guilty. "Well, sorry, Isak, but I had to..."

But he didn't speak any further because of Even, who came back through the tables, in one hand his tray with Isak's banana juice.

Isak was happy to see him.

"Here you go", Even said, smiled and put the new glass in front of him. He placed the two empty glasses on his tray and turned to Chris.

"Hello, Sir, so glad you showed up still tonight", he said. Isak imagined the sarcastic tone in Even's voice. Didn't he?

"What can I bring you?", he asked and looked at them.

"Well..." Chris shot a questioning look over. "What do you want, sweetie?"

Isak couldn't help himself; he winced at the nickname and looked on the floor. He felt his blood turning his ears into big red meat chunks. It wasn't just because Chris called him like his lover or something and Even was standing right there and made Isak feel even more embarassed and they knew ech other for... twenty seconds? It reminded him also of the time with _him_. So Isak cleared his throat and said - with a brandnew lump in his throat, yay!: "I don't know. How about you, _Chris_? He stared directly in his eyes and Chris stopped grinning. 

"Okay", he said, umh, how about wine?" 

When Isak said nothing he turned to Even. "One bottle of red wine, please." He then stopped and asked: "You like red wine, don't you, Isak?" 

_No. Never have. I only drink white wine. If i have to. I don't drink wine at all, I'm just trying to be all mature and cool._

He smilde. "Sure." 

Even nodded. "Okay, I'll bring it. Choose your meal, I'll be right back." 

Isak looked up - while Chris was already sunk into the menu, with red ears as he feel even as embarassed as Isak- and was met by a warm smile, as Even's words were a silent promise, a reassurance. But before Isak yould say anything, Even was gone again and left Isak alone with his date.

.

They took their choices in silence. Isak didn't know what to say and Chris... well, Isak had no clue why he didn't talk.

What a start for a date!

They didn't speak when Even brought the wine and filled their fancy wine glasses with the red liquid.

(Isak saw Even raise an eyebrow in confusion, but he said nothing, only his polite "Sir's" and "hre you go's".)

So, here he was.

Sitting at a really beautiful, stunning place with his date. The moon was shining, it was a nice atmosphere and the talking from the other guests created a cozy feeling.

That was it was supposed to be, so far.

Isak sighed. Maybe he should just stand uo and go home. He hadn't watched the last episode of GOT; it was way more interesting what would happend with Jon Snow and...

"Errm... Isak?"

He blinked.

Chris was sitting facing him. He held his glass in his left hand and waved the wine inside around in small circles.

He was looking nervous.

"I... I'm sorry about earlier. Like... really." He looked straight into Isak's eyes. "I just... I didn't get my train and then William had to drive me and then we stucked in the traffic..."

Isak said nothing. That sounded a lot like an excuse and a very bad one, too.

"And I know, it sounds like a lie, but it's not! I wanted to come here, you know." He smiled weak. "I've never had a blind date before and I have to say that I'm more than happy what I got." He winked at him.

Isak didn't know if he should act flattered or pissed off.

He didn't know if he trusted this man. he had something... something expectant in his appearance, as if he wanted Isak to take off his clothes right here in front of everyone at the place.

But maybe that feeling would go over. He should trusting people more; Jonas had preached that to him more than once.

_Isak you have to open up to people one day. I'm not talking about today or tomorrow, but one day. Please. You deserve it, man. Why would'nt you see that already?_

Maybe he was right.

Maybe it was the time.

So he leaned forward and said: "I just... I didn't like it when you called me that earlier. I'm not... used to it."

Anymore.

"And I... I just don't like it, okay?"

Anymore.

Chris nodded. "Okay, got it, Isak", he just said.

.

 

It got better now.

They began to talk and when their food arrived - Isak had thought _fuck it, take the most expensive thing in this hut_ and ordered a fucking lobster!- Isak was actually in a really good mood.

The wine began to do it's job, the candle looked nice on the table, Chris told some funny story about one guy who went high once and was so convinced he was an alien, he ran outside to looking for his UFO, and Isak laughed and nearly choked on his meal - what a surprise, again.

Isak learned that Chris came back to Oslo a few weeks ago and had started to study acting. Isak believed it in a second; Chris' whole appearance literally screamed for a stage.

He asked about Isak and he told him that he studied bio-chemistry since last year, but had to take a break and now he had to start again.

Chris didn't ask why. Isak appreciated that a lot.

They talked about football and nearly started a fight with each other because Chris couldn't understand why Isak wasn't for his team.

Isak guessed Chris age and failed hard. (He said 22, Chris was very offended and Isak had to buy him another whiskey. he was 25, by the way.)

Chris saw a shooting star and Isak didn't believe him. (When he ask what he had wished Chris grinned very suggestively at him and Isak tried to hide his blush behind the ice card.

 

.

"And then..." Chris had to interrupt himself because he was getting a hiccup, "then he said... _,hick_ , "no" and I was like "yes", and he went like, "ooh".

Isak had tears in his eyes because he was laughing so hard. "And... then?", he managed to ask, hands pressed in his sides.

Chris stared at him. "Then... umh... he started eating it."

"he _ate_ it?"

"Yup."

"A whole earthworm?!"

"Mmh." Chris took another sip. Then he noticed Isak's face and frowned. "What?" 

"It's just... so sad. " Isak looked smashed. "The poor worm. He just wanted to live." 

"Mmmh. Yea", said Chris and started to make a sad face, too. "it, _hick_ , was really sad." He thought for a moment. "But in this... you now, particulary moment, it was really funny."

"To murder a poor innocent animal is not _funny_ , Chris", he exclaimed, "it is a horrible crime and should be punished!"

"It's just a fucking worm, Isak, come on", laughed Chris.

Isak stared at him with no mercy.

"Okay okay." Chris wiggled his eyebrows. "How would you punish someone with such a _bad_ behavior, hmm?"

Oh. 

_Oh._

Isak's moth fell open. 

"Ermm..." 

There it was. The talk. It should be funny, right? It should be easy. He could relax; Chris was a funny boy, probably good in bed, too, and even if not, it was not a shame, he could make it,, everything was gonna be alright and... 

"Excuse me, Chris." 

_What are you doing, Isak? Get the hell back in this chair!_

"I'll be right back." 

He didn't know what had forced his body to leave the table and make his way through the tables to find a damn toilet, leaving a confused Chris behind. 

Fuck, while walking he noticed how much he had actually drunk really.

Nevertheless he speeded up his steps and slipped through the tables, eyes continuously wandering around in searching for a _damn_ toilet.

Eventually he found the men's room. He went inside, headed for the nearest door - they had _golden_ doorknobs, what the fuck?! - and disappeared inside.

With a relieved sigh he sat on the toilet seat, stared a few moments at the inside of the door, which presented him the different exit's and safe spots in case of an emergency, read the commercials for a fancy night club near by and when he found nothing left to read he buried his face in his hands and tried to disappear.

He didn't know why he reacted like this. He was not a chld; he had known what was coming; he was fully aware of every possibility for his evening.

But still he just...

He just _coulnd't_ throw himself at a stranger. Call him a kid, calll him a coward, a pussy for rejecting...

But something inside whispered _stop_.

But why? Had his experience fucked up his faith in other people that much? Would he never be able to have sex again because he panicked every time?

And this feeling... this damn feeling. If it just would go away. It made everything ten times worse.

Isak sighed deep and tried to hold back his tears.

He nearly laughed.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Why coulnd't he just enjoy an evening with another man and just go home with him? They didn't need to promise each other the great love, it was just going to be a night with fun. Another people did this every time, right? Meet strangers and fuck with them and then they never saw each other again.

Jonas came up in his mind. What would he say?

Probably something like _if you don't want to, don't do it, man!_

And he would be right.

Isak rubbed his hands over his face and suppressed the urge to scream in frustration. It was like he was seventeen years old again, standing naked in front of another boy and all his instincts screamed to run away.

In the end, he stayed. And it was good that he stayed. Because from this time it got easier and easier and he felt that this feeling - of insecurity and angst - disappeard.

Then he met his great love - which Isak coulnd't thought without a bitter laugh - and he thought that's it. The sex was good - not great, but you can't have everything - and Isak felt safe and loved and thought it would go like this forever.

Or, not forever. But for a very long time, until one of them dumped the other.

And not betray them...

No!

Isak's head snapped out of his hands.

Not this again, not here.

He stood up.

Okay, Isak, here is the truth: If you're not going with him tonight, you're gonna regret it. You will think _but what if..._. That will eat you alive and you will be angry with yourself. Even more than you are anyway. You need to learn how to relax again. You need other people.

Come on.

Isak. You can make it.

 

He leaned his forehead against the door.

Then he closed his eyes and took ten calming breaths.

He opened his eyes.

And made a decision.

.

 

"What the hell took you so long?"

Isak tried a smile and noticed that it was easier than he thought.

"Sorry, I didn't found the toilet."

Hopefully, Chris woulnd't suspect anything. But this man was in his own world. He started to talk about his newest project just as Isak sat down.

Isak noticed that Chris had ordered another whiskey.

He also noticed that Chris only talked about himself. Like, all. The. Time. And that he had a slightly arrogant tone in his voice. And that he didn't notice things.

Yes, he was funny and yes, he was charming, and yes, he was good looking. Still... suddenly Isak knew that he was not his type.

And suddenly he was glad about that.

Don't ask, he had no idea why; but somehow it made the whole thing easier.

"Do you wanna bail?", he interrupted suddenly one of Chris' anecdotes. Chris looked at him with surprise.

"Oh, you... are you tired?"

"No", said Isak and tried to sound mysterious-sexybutalsocasually, "I am not tired."

Chris eyebrows went high.

Isak didn't like it.

"Okay", he said instead and stood up again, "let's go?"

"Wait wait", Chris pointed at the empty glasses. "Work first, sweeti!"

.

 

They had to order a cab, because Isak didn't want to go to his own flat and Chris was way too drunk to make a decision anyway.

When they stepped into the hallway, Isak went to the counter, where he was greeted by the nice man with golden glasses earlier this evening, to oreder one.

"Hi, I want to...", he said and stopped talking abruptly, because he was staring in Even's face.

"Oh", he said and tried quickly to hide his breath (which he was very sure of, smelled like alcohol).

Even's expression wondered Isak. He first looked amused, than concerned, than rueful.

"I would like to order a cab", Isak said and hoped he sounded normal.

"Oh", said Even. "Why?"

Isak frowned, "that's a weird question. Are you suppost to ask questions like that, Even?" It was easier to talk with him now. What definitly was the alcohol but fuck it.

Even frowned. "Isak, are you drunk?"

Fuck.

"Erm... no?" tried Isak and failed at the same time when he wanted to put his elbow casually on the counter and missed it.

Even looked like he wanted to laugh. Isak wanted him to.

He looked beautiful when he laughed.

"Okay, Isak, you should go home", said Even and took the phone from the restaurant to order a cab, "where do you live?"

"You want to know where I live?" Isak made big eyes, "wow. You're a creep, Even."

Now he laughed properly and Isak was _mesmerized_. It was endearing. 

"I just need your address, Isak, to say where do you live. The driver needs to know, so that he can bring you home safe." Even smiled at him. Maybe it was a little bit amused but that was okay. 

Isak frowned. "But I'm not going home. I go with him", and he pointed to a very drunk and sleepy Chris on a chair a few meters away. 

Now Even frowned, too. He looked at Chris, then at Isak. 

"Excuse me, but I don't think it's a good idea", he said and Isak knew that even though he sounded playfully his eyes looked cooncerned. 

Maybe it was his eyes, or his smile, or his _voice_ , Isak had no idea. But suddenly he whispered in Even's direction, who had to lean in to hear anything: 

"You know, I don't think so, either." 

Fuck, he definitely had drunk way too much. 

Not as much as Chris, but still. 

Because when he looked at Even's face, he looked _sad_ and he could only look like that because he was thinking Isak was too drunk to could get it up. 

Isak had to safe him from this thought. 

"I still can get it up, though", he said. 

"Oh", said Even and _yess_. He grinned. "That's... I'm glad to hear that, Isak." 

"Yea, me too." Isak nodded seriously. "But you know..." He leaned more in and so did Even. 

Just centimeters separated them. 

"I have to go home with him, you know." Somehow, it was important to explain that to Even. He needed to understand; Isak didn't want to see a judging look on his face. 

Even's eyebrows were back in game. But they didn't give him a smug expression; they looked confused. 

"I don't think anyone _have to_ go home with another person", he said carefully. "You don't have to do anything you don't want, Isak, that's okay, you know?" 

"Yes, yes, I know", Isak waved his comment away; he didn't get it. That was okay, it was a difficult situation, but he didn't have the time to explain everything. 

"It's just... complicated", he said. 

"It's always like this", said Even and the sadness was back. "But Isak: He.. he didn't... force you or something? You are drunk, please think about-" 

"I'm fine!" Isak's voice was getting louder again, but he didn't care: Even looked so concerned and he asked weird questions which were confusing to Isaks's foggy brain and brought back all the good reasons why he didn't want to do this actually. It had took so long to convince himself that it was right. 

"He didn't force me or anything, Even, I promise", Isak said violently and grabbed Even's hand to support his words. "I know you can't understand that, but I have to do it, okay? Nothing it's going to happen." 

"You don't know that, Isak", he answered. 

And he looked still sad and confused, so Isak really needed to clear the air. But he really didn't have the time, so he just grabbed Evens palm and looked at the counter. 

"What are you-" 

"I need a pen", Isak interrupted, "do you have one?" 

Even just stared at him. Isak felt his courage dropping. But it was necessary so he didn't let go. 

"I need a pen", he repeated and tilted his head. "I would just tell you the numbers but I doubt you would remember." 

Even shook his head lightly. "What the...", he murmured, before he stretched his free arm and fished a pen out of nowhere. 

"Thank you!" Isak beamed at him. he took the pen and scribbled a few numbers on Even's palm. 

"Is that your _number_?", Even asked with a disbelieving laugh. 

"Hold still! So... finished", a satisfied Isak gave Even's hand free. "See, I have no time to explain you everything, but if you want, you can just call me in the morning to see if I'm alive, and then you can relax, okay?" 

Even shook his head. "I can't believe you", he said. 

Suddenly Isak felt uncomfortable. What if Even didn't want to do this? What if he didn't want to have his number? 

But when Isak looked at Even, he smiled at him. 

And that was enough to shut his brain down. 

"Okay, Isak", he said, "but I hope you won't regret it in the morning." 

"Why would I regret it? You're stunning, you know", Isak told him. 

"Oh... yea?" 

Isak frowned. "Have you looked at you, Even? You're un-be-lie-va-ble." The last word stretched out to make his point clear. 

Even couldn't help but grinned. 

"Thank you, Isak, that's very flattering", he answered. 

"Yeah, I know, right?" Isak beamed again at him. He couldn't help it. "But I need to get to Chris' home now. I have to get laid." 

"That sounds so wrong in so many ways", Even pointed out. 

"Yes, I know it does." 

"And you have your reasons?" 

"Yes." 

"And are these reasons enough? For sex with some stranger you no nothing about?" 

Why he knew he was a stranger? 

Isak didn't knwo what to say. Even asked unpleasant questions. Again. 

"Isak." 

Isak looked up. Suddenly Even's face was so close. He had a perfect view in the blue eyes. 

Long time ago he read somewhere that blue eyes are looking cold and mean and that brown eyes were the ones to fall in love with but hah! 

These eyes, man. 

"I... I don't know", Isak whispered. "I think so?" 

"And why", asked Even and still came close, "are you sounding like you asking?" 

His hand was laying on top of the counter. So close to Isak's. 

"I..." 

Isak didn't know what to say. His defence was down. 

"Isak..." 

Why was Even whispering too? And why did it sound so damn sexy? 

A loud noise let them both shrink back. Isak turned his head and saw the reason for the sudden noise: Chris was laying on the ground, the chair behind him. 

"Just fell off the chair", he murmured, while he stood up again. "I'm fine, I'm fine..." 

Isak shook his head and twisted his mouth.

"Great", he murmured.

"Yeah, have fun with that", Even commented.

Isak turned to him and was met by a sincere expression.

"Even, you have to believe me, please? It has to be. And I'll be ok, yea?"

 _click click click_. Even dropped the pen with a sigh. "I can't convince you to just go home and sleep, can I?" he sounded resigned.

And he was right. Isak needed to do this.

With a man who couln't break his heart.

So he shooked his head and smiled. "Sorry", he whispered and hell, why did that whole conversation sounded like a goodbye? Isak knew this man for a few hours, dammit!

"And it is your fault anyway!"

"Oi." Even lifted an eyebrow. "Why that?"

"You just disappeared", said Isak and he was unable to keep the disappopintment out of his voice. "You didn't show up after you brought the drinks."

"Ah, about that..." Even scratched his head. "I was... busy."

"Busy", repeated Isak with a mocking grin. "I was your guest; _I_ should have been your buisness, Mister."

Even managed a weak smile. "Yeah, but... I didn't want to disturb your flirting with this lovely guy." He nodded over to Chris, who now was spread on the floor and got funny looks from other guests.

("The ceiling looks insane, Isak, come, lie with me!")

Before Isak could say anything, Even was suddenly back in his private space. "And you are sure? You might be drunk, but I respect your choice. But one word Isak and I will..."

He didn't finished his sentence.

Isak looked up in his face and felt many things. Maybe it was good that he was too drunk to think about that now and just followed his instincts. 

"Yes, Even", he said and put a hand up. "I swear." 

Even nodded gravely. "Okay. I hope I won't regret trusting your words and you are dead tomorrow in some trench", he murmured while he grabbed the phone again. "Just give me the damn address already." 

Even stayed until the cab arrived. He then shoved Chris inside, closed the door with a bang and turned to Isak. "You have time to run yet", he joked but Isak yould see that he meant every word. 

He was sweet. 

Sweet and unattainable. 

So he just smileed. "Good night, Even. Thank you for everything tonight. Even though", he put up a finger and pointed it to Even, "you are the worst waiter I've ever had." 

"Ouch", murmured Even and played the shot knight. "After everything I did to you!" 

"Yes, exactly! You _left_ me, Even, that is not nice! You didn't watch out for me if I did something stupid!" 

"In fact, I did", Even said. 

"Huh?" 

"Hey, Mister, do you wanna come or what?" The annoyed voice of the driver came out of the car. 

"Yes, yes." Isak took his jacket from Even, who had held it for him. He then stood there akwardly, not knowing what to do. 

"So", he said and suddenly he felt sober. 

"So", Even said and Isak saw it coming, that he would just say something nice and disappear inside and he would never see him again. 

That couldn't happen! 

So Isak did the only thing he could think of; he threw himself at Even and wrapped his arms around him. 

"You are so nice", he whispered in his ear. "You are so so nice, Even, do you know that?" 

Even didn't answer. Instead he hugged him back with so much force that he nearly lifted him off the ground. 

"Be careful, Isak, promise me that. Please", Isak heard him say and it sounded like his last wish. 

So he burried his face in his neck and nodded violently. 

It was okay. Because he was drunk and just did things because he could, it was okay. 

"What took you so long? Again?", was the blurry sentence he was greeted with when he finally entered the cabin. 

"Ugh", said Isak. He felt weird. Very weird. "Let's go, okay?" 

"Mmmh", said Chris and scooted closer to wrap an arm around Isak. 

. 

They went to Chris. 

And they fucked. 

(But before Isak sent a message to Eskild so he wouldn't send the cops.) 

And it was okay, even though they were both drunk as fuck. 

Isak felt okay doing the whole thing. He felt calm in a weird way, the feeling from earlier was disappeared. As if he had got strengh and confidence somewhere. 

So he held onto Chris' neck and moaned and took and got lost in the action. It was so long that he've had sex. He had nearly forgotten how good it was. 

But something was in the back of his mind, during the whole thing. 

During the night he spent in Chris bed, trying to sleep while Chris snorted loudly beside him. 

During the next mornig, when they even had breakfast together. That was awkward, because no one knew how to speak about this. Chris eventually came up with an apologoze for getting drunk, and Isak said it was okay, and Chris said that he was on board for a repitition one day, if Isak wanted. He winked and Isak said he felt flattered, but it was not the right time. And Chris said, yes, of course, he was totally cool with that, he fucked the same person just once in a month. There has to be change. Variety, you know, he said and winked again. 

Isak had no words to say something about this, and headed for the door, after drinking the orange juice which Chris had insisted in. 

"See you, Isak", said Chris, "all the best." 

"Yes, you too", managed Isak to say before he disappeared through the door. 

On his ride home he chose a spot in the back of the train. 

He thought. 

He felt different. He felt not good and not bad. But he came to the conclusion, that it was good that he did it. Even though it wasn't like expected and Chris wasn't the gentleman he had hoped for, it was a relief that Isak could do this. And still have fun doing it. Yes, the morning had been awkward... but the fucking was fun and Chris knew what he did, even drunk, Isak had to admit. 

So. Everything was good. he could move on, meet other men, getting laid, live his life... 

But something was there. 

He didn't know what it was at first. 

. 

"Hello, I'm back." 

"Babygay!" Isak had nearly stepped inside, Eskild came slithering around the corner and hugged him. 

"How was the fucking, dear?" 

"Ugh, leave me alone", muttered Isak, disangled himself from Eskild and headed straight for his room. 

"Wait, Isak", Eskild shouted, "details, babe, details!" 

"Later, Eskild, okay? God!" With that, Isak shut the door with a bang. 

He put down his stuff and let himself fall on his bed. 

He took a deep breath. 

What a journey, he thought. 

But he did it. He made it. And nothing had changed. It had been good with Chris. He didn't know if he wanted to see him again, but it had been undeniable good. 

That the face of a certain someone had slipped into his mind when Chris had thrusted into him, well. 

No one needed to know. 

It was just the heat of the moment and really, Isak had been drunk and Even had been hot, so...!? 

And it wasn't like he had been endeared by his lame jokes or taken aback by his care or just felt so good and safe in his arms. 

No. 

Wasn't like this. 

. 

When he checked his phone, he at first didn't saw the message because of all the other questions from his friends who wanted to know how it did go. When he finally spotted it, he nearly threw his phone out of the window. 

And the mmemory came back, clear and fresh and very very awful. 

No. 

No no no. 

That didn't happen. 

He didn't give a stranger, _another_ stranger his number, when he was on a date with one?? That coud not be happend. 

What was he thinking? 

Isak didn't find the courage to look at the message at first. But then the interest won over and he slowly turned his phone, as if he was afraid it would explode any second. 

**unnown number** : _Hi, Isak, it's Even. Are you alive?_

Isak stared at his phone. 

He had his number. 

_Even's_ number. 

He let out a disbelieving laugh and let himself fall back in his pillows, handy over his face. 

It was just so surreal. 

Okay; he could be a little bit proud. Because no, Isak Valtersen didn't just go on a date: he had to save another man's number. And he did it not with the intention to visit Evens's home one day. He did it because Even had been confused and concerned and Isak had wanted to make that away.

He must thought Isak was a total mess. A comopletley, mad and weird person who needs help very desperately. _I have to get laid._ Jesus, who says that? 

While he stared at Even's message he tried to ignore the feelings that came up beside his embarassment and his anger of his drunk self. 

Calm. Safety. Interest. Desire. 

Isak shook his head violently. That was all the alcohol; he was sure of it. If the message wouldn't be, he would be very convinced that this mysterious waiter was a funny imagine. 

But, on the other hand... never in a million years would he be able to imagine someone like Even. 

But what should he do now? 

Should he just answer something like _yea, everything's cool, thanks for your care, sorry for the drunk shit, didn't mean it_. 

Or more polite. _Dear Even, I am very sorry for bothering you and insulting xou. I was not in my normal mind when I did all of these actions. Please forgive me. Greetings and a great day, Isak._

Or should he just ignore it? 

Suddenly his phone vibrated and he jerked so that he nearly dropped it. 

**unknown number** : _I don't want to bother you; maybe you are sleeping. But it would be nice if you could answer me, I won't bother you afterwards, promise. I just need to know if you are dead in a trench._

Funny. 

He was funny. 

Gosh. 

Isak sighed. Then he opened his chat and started to type. 

**Isak** : _I'm alive and I'm fine as I promised._

**Even** : _Oh, you actually are alive! I'm glad!_

****

**Isak** : _Yeah. Sorry for yesterday, though._

****

**Even** : _Why? It was a funny night._

****

**Isak** : _Yeah, I bet you had fun._

****

**Even** : _Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Did everything went... well?_

****

**Isak** : _Wow, that's so not personally and private, Even_

****

**Isak** : _I know. I just want to make sure I didn't make a mistake._

****

**Isak** : _What?_

****

**Even** : _And let you go with someone who doesn't appreciate what he got._

****

Isak stared at his phone.

****

What the hell.

****

**Isak** : _Umh, thanks, I guess? But you don't have to be concerned. Everything was okay._

****

**Even** : _Oh. Good._

****

Isak thought. Then he tipped and deleted it. Tipped and deleted. Four times before the thought fuck it and pressed the sent-button.

****

**Isak** : _When you were so concerned why would you let me go with him at all?_

****

__

****

__

****

He bit his lip while he waited. He had to wait whole two minutes before he got an answer.

****

**Even** : _Because you said it's important and you need to do this. And it's not my place to tell someone what he should do._

****

**Isak** : _I was drunk, I could have said the biggest crap. And he still could have beeen some weirdo who mureders his blind dates just for fun_

****

Isak didn't know why he was so angry all of the sudden. Why he suddenly wished Even had put more effort in his trying to convince Isak.

****

**Even** : _No_

****

**Isak** : _What?_

****

**Even** : _No, he could not I know him a little bit. He went to school with me. He would not do you any harm._

****

Oh. Wow. That was.. unexpected. Isak didn't know what he should type so he just stared at his screen until it went black. He felt full of beans and didn't knwo why. 

****

**Isak** : _Oh. okay then._

****

He tipped and hid the phone under his pillow. Then he closed his eyes and tried to relax. 

****

A dull vibration let him open his eyes. 

****

**Even** : _But I'm still very hurt, Isak_

****

Isak frowned. What had he done to him? It was difficult to remember everything what happened, what he had said to Even, but the main things were still in his head and he blushed when he remembered how he had took Even's hand. Or had written his fucking number on his palm, like some sappy idiot, when he had been surrounded by papers on the counter. 

****

His phone vibrated again. 

****

**Even** : _I'm a pretty good waiter._

****

A tiny _tssss _escaped Isak's mouth. That was his biggest charge on him?__

****

__

****

____

****

____

****

**Isak** : _Oh excuse me I didn't had the honour to be able to judge that, Sir, I'm so sorry._

****

He couln't hide a sassy smirk. Then his phone made noise and he almost fell off the bed. 

****

**Even** : _Well, then you should come again so that I can show you how awesome I am._

****

What. 

****

Isak froze in the movement. 

****

His heart raced in his chest. 

Then he shook his head. It was just a silly comment, a joke. 

Even didn't mean it and even if he did, it was still a playfully harmless comment without any harm. 

Isak knew that and because of that he was a bit annoyed that his body reacted like he had just got an invation to some grat party with his crush. 

Even was nice and he liked him, but he was not Isak's crush. Really, he didn't know him long enough for that. And when you like somone you're gonna see them again, right? 

So, why not? Isak wanted to see him again. 

He had made him feel good things. 

And the food was pretty delicious. 

Suddenly he imagined himself, surrounded by mountins of food, and Even, who brought him another beer. 

And maybe he would sat down with him when his shift was over and they could talk a bit. 

He started to type when he remebered something. He had absolutely no money for such an expensive thing. 

Like, he had to turn every crone twice. How should he pay for another evening? 

But soon he waved that thought away: he would concern about that when it was actually time. So he unlocked his phone and wrote Even. Then he turned the phone off because he was a coward and headed for the door. He would take a long hot shower and after that he would look at his phone. 

Maybe. 

And hopefully it would be some of these days that had mercy and let Isak get some sleep. 

. 

**Isak** : _Okay, deal :P_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that was it.
> 
> Next time will be more boy squad!
> 
> Hope you liked it; what do you think, was it the right decision to go with Chris?
> 
> See you next time! <3


	3. You've got something there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Such a sad gesture to such a wonderful evening“, someone said behind him and Isak nearly had a heart attack. He had been 100 percent sure that the bathroom was empty.
> 
> Great Isak, if you ever had the wish to become a detectiv, forget it.
> 
> But before he could say something about this weird sentence, even before he could ask what the hell this guy was doing in a fucking bathtub, the curtain was shoved to the side and Isak had full view on perfect blond hair, long legs which dangled over the edge of the bathtub and... eyebrows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, my internet decided to take a break:/
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“And then -I swear you, guys- she expected me to go down on her. Again. That was confusing.“ Magnus leaned in and took another handful of peanuts.

“That's not cunfusing, Mags, you're just dumb“, commented Mahdi without even looking up from the screen, where he was playing Fifa against Jonas.

“Huh? Why am I the dumb one?“ Magnus threw a peanut at him, which didn't reach the goal and disappeared forever in Isak's clothes basket. Yes, Isak owned a thing like this – thanks to Eskild.

“Don't throw things through my appartment“, yelled Isak. “Eat it or leave it alone.“

“Wow, someone's pissed“, said Magnus and threw another peanut, on Isak this time. “What's going on? Did it went so bad? You have to tell me, it was my idea, I should know if it went well or...“

“Mags, please“, groaned Isak and burried his head in the pillows of his bed, “shut up. Just once in your life, okay?“

“Rude.“ Magnus looked hurt.

“Magnus, if Issy doesn't want to tell the hot details let him“, Jonas cut in while he desperately tried to beat Mahdi in the last few seconds. “Noooo... dammit!“

„You owe me a pack of oreo's.“ Mahdi seemed satisfied. Jonas threw the controller in the corner and let himself sink in the one and only armchair in this flat, which was regulary stolen by Isak from Eskild's room when the boys came over.

“Just saying; we did't blackmail him because he doesnt' talk afterwards.“

“You did'nt blackmail me, what the fuck, Jonas? I decided to go in the end!“ Isak's head snapped out of the pillows so he could glare at him.

Jonas just looked very pleased with himself as he grinned at him. “Oh, it was good, yea? Knew it.“ He snickered along with Mahdi.

“What?“ Isak looked uncertain between them.

„If it would have been bad, you hadn't insisted that we did'nt blackmail you; you would have been complaining about how it is our fault that you went there.“ Jonas smiled at his very mad best friend and bounced back and forth in the armchair.

“I hate all of you“, grunted Isak and disappeared again under the pillows. “And I'm not going to tell you guys anything, that's your punishment.“His voice came out muffled under the pillows.

“How about that: You tell us about _your_ punishment the other day and then you can...“

Magnus didn't get the chance to end his sentence, because pillows sailed apart and then a flying Isak tackled him to the ground with a battle cry.

A few moment Jonas and Mahdi just stared at the scenario in disbelief.

“Slay the unworthy“, yelled Jonas then enthusiastically and threw himself into the muddle of limbs.

“Boys“, sighed Mahdi, “come on...“

A peanut hit his forehad.

“Jonas, what the fuck?“, he screamed in outrage and grabbed some foot for revenge.

“Ey, let go, that's _my foot!_ “

“Magnus started it!“

“Huh? I started nothing I just wanted Isak to told more about his sex night.“

“Oiii, so I'm not the only one who desperately wants to get some informations out of this stubborn little shit.“

They all disangled themselfs and looked up from where they were sprawled on the floor: An amused Eskild was standing in front of them, wearing black jeans, a black cardigan – and a black wig with a ridiculous huge ribbon on top of it.

“Aaah, I found my baby.“ Eskild stepped carefully through the wood of legs until he was standing in front of the armchair. He then gave Isak the disappointed parent look. “I thought we talked about this, Issy baby“, he pouted.

“Not my fault you are getting dressed here and not at Eva's, like you said.“ Unimpressed Isak lifted himself up from the ground.

“Wow, your outfit is insane, man!“ Magnus looked hell of enthusiastically. Eskild beamed at him.

“Finally the right response“, he said with a wink to Magnus and a sulky look over to his roommate. “I stayed here because Eva is coming here in a few minutes to do the make up stuff.“

Jonas looked up. “Eva is coming here? In a few minutes?“ He jumped up and rushed past Eskild and the boys. “What means a few minutes?“

„Ummh“, said Eskild, while the other boys snickered.

“You are so pathetic, man, it's almost sad“, Isak teased his friend, “just ask her out already.“

“She has a boyfriend, Issy.“ They could hear Jonas' voice from the bathroom where he was standing and observed his reflection critically.

“So? You are better than every boyfriend she had.“

“Aww, you are so cute! Look at him!“

„I'm not cute, Eskild, please.“

“Okay, baby gay.“ Eskild scratched the back of his head, “But I need my chair back. Eva needs me to sit down when she does her stuff.“

“Hey Jonas, does she need you also to sit down when she does her stuff?“

“Fuck you, Mags!“

“So, one more time, Isak, the first and only rule is...“

“Ugh, I know the rule, leave me alone.“ Isak walked away to sit on his bed.

„Say it, Isak.“

“Fine.“ He sighed. “Don't touch the guru's things. Okay?“

„Perfect.“ He beamed at him and started to pull the armchair towards the door. “Okay, guys, I need to leave, have fun with yourselfs and Isak...“ He pointed at him in a dramatic pose which made Mahdi and Magnus giggle and Isak grown, “I'm going to find out. You can't escape the truth.“ With these words, he walked outisde the door, the chair with him.

“That was a quote, right?“, asked Mahdi. “I just can't remember wich movie.“

“I love this guy“, murmured Magnus.

“Uh, Mags.“

“What?“

„Ey, Jonas, are you ready with your routine? Because if not...“

“Jeez, guys, I just needed to piss.“ Jonas came back and let himself fall on the other side of Isak's bed. Isak turned around and looked at him. “Mmh, sure“, he grinned. Jonas waved his comment away and closed his eyes. “As long as you don't spill the details you have no right to tease me.“

„Excuse me, why is _the details_ something everybody needs to know? It's private, okay?“

„Man, we don't need to know who was it getting from behind and who came in which minute, Isak“, said Mahdi with an annoyed look.

„Actually...“, started Magnus, but Mahdi and Jonas shut him down with a “Mags, no“ in synch.

“We just want to know if it was fun, if you felt comfortable... this stuff, you know.“ Suddenly Jonas looked sincere and soft and Isak knew exactly that he couldn't stand this look. Because it means that he cared and just wanted Isak to be happy.

Fucking best friend, knew every time how to outwit him.

“Ummh.“ Isak ran a hand through his messy hair.

It had been one day.

Actually it was the evening before the second night since his blind date and Isak had invited the boys because he needed to disctract himself badly. From his thoughts, which surrounded him like some predators, ready to attack him if his defence went down. He had been restless and grumpy the whole evening and that the guys kept nagging and wanting details had been even more nerve-racking. He understood that they wanted to know more, that they would't be satisfied with a simple _it was good_ , that was not the problem.

The problem was that he couldn't keep Even out of his head.

And it was not because he was hot and maybe Isak had thought a little bit too long about his face when he was in Chris' arms.

No, it was because he had been nice. Very nice.

In a way Isak was not used to. And that was always getting risky for him at some point.

Okay, yeah, here were the facts: Even was just doing his job. He was nice and caring because he didn't want to get in trouble.

But something in Isak told him that it wasn't just like this. Isak was maybe not the most patient, lovely and smiling boy in the world but he knew when someone was nice because he had to be or nice because he just _was_. 

Isak knew he shouldn't interpret too much in Even's action and that was okay. And that he had texted him... well, he had been worried about him. Which was cute.

The problem was... well fuck it, the problem was actually that Isak always started to overthink actions of other persons. Because he was a little comfort-starving shit who interpreted everything in nothing and wanted nothing but to be hold.

Thanks to his childhood he guessed. And his long coming-out way. And his ex.

But in fact he had never to see Even again. He didn't need to think about him anymore, because he was just a waiter who wanted tips. (He ignored the fact that Even didn't do his bill, actually, he just _disappeared_ somehow.) He started to getting angry with himself because he thought so much about the fact that he didn't need to think about it so much.

And he coulnd't face him anyway because he had embarassed himself more than once two days ago  
and did things like taking Even's hands and write his number on his palm and throw himself at him and say to him that he was unbelievable and nice, _so nice_.

Okay he had been drunk, probably an acceptable excuse. But still so frickin embarassing. He couldn't look into Even's eyes ever again. Never ever.

He coulnd't even consider the possibility of being his friend after his stunt. Which was sad in a way, because the texting had been fun. In daylight. Sober.

But maybe all his doubts and overthinking were unnecessary anyway, because Even hadn't responded to his message until now.

That was not a factor which bothered Isak though. No. He coulnd't care less. 

And like he said, he could never meet his eyes again without sinking into a puddle of shame anyway, so...

“Isak?“

Isak looked up. Three pairs of eyes stared at him.

Jonas cleared his throat. “You... you don't have to, Isak...“

“No, no. It's okay.“ Isak took a deep breath. He had to tell the guys anyway at some point.

 

So he cleared his thoat and told Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi about his evening, without mention Even a single time.

While he talked he became aware of how interested and caring his friends looked. _I'm a lucky bastard_ , he thought and a quick moment of doubt went through him if he should tell them.

But then he decided against it. It was not a big deal.

After he finished he reaped supporting claps on his back and warm smiles.

“Well, that doesn't sound too bad, man!“ Magnus grinned. “Welcome back in the business.“

„Wow, Magnus, could you be even more indelicate?“ said Jonas with a groan while Mahdi facepalmed himself.

“What? What did I do again?“

But Isak just laughed. Then he looked at his watch. “Oh crap guys, we need to go.“

“Shit, oh yeah.“ Jonas stood up – and sat down again immediately. “Oh fuck, we're gonna meet her!“

“You're such a mess. Where is your chill?“

“I don't know.“ Jonas chewed on his bottom lip and looked frustrated.

“Okay, if we want to get at Elias in time we need to go.“

“Just breathe and when we meet her just talk to her about normal things“, Mahdi assured, emphasis at the last two words. “Not about global warming again.“

“It is an important thing and we all need to think about more what we...“

“Yes, sure, but not in the middle of the hallway and two seconds after you greeted her.“ Isak patted Jonas back with a sympathetic expression.

 

.

 

“I know you are keeping something from us, Issy.“

They had made it out of the door without running into Eva – which had left Jonas reliefed and disappointed at the same time and now they were walking through the night, in hurry to get to Elias' house in time.

It was a clear night, like two nights ago, Isak thought with mixed feelings. It was still warm in the evening, but that would change really soon, there were at september after all.

Isak liked the autumn. He loved the air, which smelled fresher and clearer someway and the leaves which falling on the ground and created that special sound when you walk through it... it reminded him of his childhood when he, his mom and his dad were out everyday to search for some chestnuts. They had made little figures out of them and given them little toothpicks as their arms and hairs.

His mom had knitted him a ridiculous beanie one autumn and he had refused to wear it. Afterwards he had regretted it because his father had just grabbed the beanie and placed it on his own head and looked so cool with it that Isak had wished he had taken it.

Now he walked beside Jonas, and they were a few steps behind Mahdi and Magnus and Isak turned to his friend with a frown. “What do you mean?“

The answer was just an amused look. “Come on, I know you for way too long. What is it, Iss? Spill it.“

A moment Isak appreciated the attentiveness of him. Then he shook his head while laughing. “It's not that important, dude.“ When he catched Jonas' look he rolled his eyes. “ _Really_ , okay? If not, you are the first one I'm going to tell.“

“Okay“. He didn't look convinced. “So you're gonna see Chris again?“, he asked carefully.

“What- no, oh my god.“ Now Isak laughed properly. “I didn't need someone like him really. It had been fun, but that's it.“

“Oh, okay“. Jonas looked surprised. He crouched down and lifted a leave from the ground. It was already red, with a hint of shading green from the last summer. 

Jonas spinned the stem through his fingers. “I just thought you would, you know“, he told him after a few seconds of silence.

Isak lifted an eyebrow. What was Jonas reffering to?

“Because“, Jonas went on and suddenly he smirked at him again, “your eyes were sparkling when you told us. So no lies any more, Issy K, I know you far too well.“

„Wow, Jonas. Wow“, laughed Isak, „congratulations. You are gonna do so great out there, because you just discovered my biggest secret and all of that just because of my – wait, let me think, let me think, what was the great observation the young Mr Vasquez did – oh, yeah, right: _sparkling eyes_!“

“Uh, fuck you“, Jonas laughed with him. “But no distraction, Isak... am I right? I'm right, huh?“

Why did he have to blush now? Why?

“It's... nothing“, he tried in a weak attempt to stop Jonas' train of thoughts but it was too late: Jonas was grinning like the biggest idiot. “Aha!“, he cackled, performing a little dance around Isak.

“Stop it, you're crazy“, yelled Isak and speeded up to catch up with Magnus and Mahdi.

“What are you guys doing?“, Mahdi asked and held out a bag of chips.

 

“Well, our little Issy here is in...“, Jonas started but Isak shushed him effectively by shoving a handful of chips into his mouth.

“In a hurry“, he finished and glared at his best friend, who managed to grin even with a mouth full of chips. „Like we all are. So, move, guys, come on!“

“Woa, calm down, you two are the ones who walk slow like an old couple. I bet I could beat you in running. Let's say... to the big treee over there?“

Isak of course took the challenge and ran with Magnus like his life depended on it.

Isak won and Magnus only pouted a little bit because he quickly found his excuse in the damn chips, which hade made him slow.

.

 

Elias was the brother of Sana and Isak liked him. He had only met him once but he seemed to be a funny charming guy with taste for the right music and always a look for his little sister. Sana adored him, even though she would never admit that to anyone, but Isak knew. Best buddies knew things like that.

When they arrived, they could already see that it would be impossible to move a foot inside: it was so packed with people, there had to stand outside already.

“How the hell is this going to be fun?“, Isak yelled in Mahdi's ear when they entered nevertheless the living room, “you can't barely move.“

“Guess you have to find out“, said Mahdi with a wink. Then he spotted a girl he had hooked up with last week and excused himself. Jonas stood with them but Isak saw his eyes roaming through the crowd nonestop.

“Man, just go and find her“, Isak said with an eyeroll. Jonas looked grateful and clapped him on the back. He said “find yourself a hottie“ with a wink before he disappeared.

Isak sighed.

“Uuh, Isak, let's dance, I love this song!“ Magnus bounced on his feet like a 4-years-old. Isak listened to the song and then looked up at Magnus. “I'm very sorry, bro, but our friendship is going to end here.“

He barely recognized the hurt expression of Magnus while he was already dancing on some shitty pop-song because someone was tipped his back and he turned around.

“You came!“ The high pitched voice made him smile and wince in pain at the same time.

“Hi, Vilde.“ He always needed a few seconds to get used to her speaking.

“Ohh, Isak, how was your blind date? You have to tell me everything!“

“Hi, Vilde.“ Magnus smiled at her and Isak could catch himself in time to suppress a groan. Magnus and Vilde flirted with each other since the universe began or at least it was Isak's feeling. Even though they both hooked up with other girls and boys, they kept coming back to each other, without ever move a bit forward.

It was almost as pathetic as Jonas' hopeless crush.

Isak knew that he needed to do something about it as the good friend that he was. He would sit together with Mahdi sometime and make a plan to get their dudes finally what they deserved, he decided spontaneously

“Hi!“ She beamed at him and turned her attention immediately back to Isak. “So, was it nice? Was _he_ nice? You have barely answered my questions on the phone, I have more right than other persons to know details and than I had to hear it from Eva, who heard it from Eskild. Eskild, Isak! I love him, but why I am the last person on earth who...“

Isak's brain decided to safe him and filtered her voice out.

.

 

He actually had a nice evening. He laughed with Sana, who came out of nowhere to safe him from Vilda and they talked about classes and friends for a while. Sana was taking the same classes as Isak and had a regulary struggle with her uncle about her decision to become a doctor.  
Later he lost her on the dancefloor and chatted a bit with some guy he knew briefly from uni. The guy kept giving him attention and Isak liked it until the guy threw up on his shoes all of the sudden. From there Isak had not so much fun anymore and he shoved himself through the dancing people on his socks to save his shoes from the worst while Vilde took care of this poor fucker.

Suddenly Elias bumped in him and Isak was happy to see him, because he coulnd't see the damn toilet. Elias showed him the direction and rushed past him.

“Nice that you showed up, dude. I would like to talk to you but the guys are waiting and Ev-“  
Some girl stumbled into his arms. “Uh, sorry“, she apologized.

“Hello, there“, Elias looked delighted.

Isak left them to themselves with a shake of his head and made his way carefully on his tiptoes until he was standing finally in front of the bathroom door.

He opened – it was empty, thank God! - , sneaked inside and locked the door. He then put his really gross shoes into the shower and let water flow on them. The room was filled with smoke; Isak could smell the weed that was smoked in here in no uncertain terms. 

He sighed long and deep. It was his best pair of shoes and they had been expensive... he was always extra careful with them, but of course it had to be _vomit _which ruined them in the end.__

__He sighed again._ _

__

__“Such a sad gesture to such a wonderful evening“, someone said behind him and Isak nearly had a heart attack. He had been 100 percent sure that the bathroom was empty._ _

__He slowly turned his head, his heart hammering in his chest – and spotted the big curtain which covered the bathtub on the other side of the room._ _

__Great Isak, if you ever had the wish to become a detectiv, forget it._ _

__But before he could say something about this weird sentence, even before he could ask what the hell this guy was doing in a fucking _bathtub_ , the curtain was shoved to the side and Isak had full view on perfect blond hair, long legs which dangled over the edge of the bathtub and... eyebrows._ _

__No._ _

__This is not happening. The universe couldn't do that to him. It couldn't be that mean. Isak needed some justice already!_ _

__It was simply not fair, that he had to face Even in a fucking bathroom full of smoke, while in the background the water was running over his vomit-shoes._ _

__He sent a silent thank you up to the sky for being sober and then stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do._ _

__That seemed to be the case very often when it came to Even._ _

__But there were still at a damn party and maybe the weed in the room started getting to Isak's head, but he just stared at Even and allowed himself a moment to just enjoy the sight._ _

__He looked _cool_. If Isak would sit inside a bathtub he would look like a wet bag of flour._ _

__Even... Even just fitted in. He sat casually inside, the legs over the edge and one arm behind his head, which was resting on the wall behind him. In his other hand he held a cigarette. The end of it glimmed at Isak like an invatation._ _

__“Even?“, Isak was finally able to answer him and mentally kicked and congrats himself for such a quick reaction and such a dumb reply. But he coulnd't help it: It was so crazy that they met again, only two days after his blind date._ _

__“I can't believe it“, Even said and Isak could see his eyes sparkle even in that bad light. “Isak? Isak Valtersen?“_ _

__“The one and only.“ God, find some words._ _

__Even let out a laugh and then patted to the spot next to him. “Do you wanna join me, Isak? Or do you have duties otherwhere?“_ _

__“What are you doing here, Even?“, Isak asked because he was an idiot and didn't take Even's offer._ _

__But Even just laughed again. “I'm allowed to exist outside of the restaurant, you know.“ He smiled at him and Isak felt things. He didn't want to feel things. He didn't want to. He had spent so much time to come clear in his head._ _

__“Oh yeah?“, he said hoarsly. “Didn't think so.“_ _

__“Ahh, and why is that so, Isak Valtersen?“_ _

__Even's smirk didn't disappear._ _

__Isak felt heat rising in his cheeks and for a moment he wanted to diappear and his courage was gone. But then he remembered that he and Even were at a party and on parties could happen things without a meaning. That's what parties are for, right? Escape the real boring life._ _

__So he asked: “Because you didn't answer my text.“_ _

__Why did he sound _disappointed_? What the fuck Isak, how old are you?_ _

__“Oh...“ He didn't expect Even's face to fall at his sentence. “Yeah, my phone died.“_ _

__“Oh. Yeah ok.“ Isak tried hard sounding normal. Really reallly hard. But Even seemed to notice every damn vibe and signal the boy at the sink sent over through the smoke to him subconscious. He looked at him with a frown. “You don't believe me.“ It wasn't a question._ _

__Isak blushed some more because why not? “Ummh, no, I have... ugh...“ He didn't finished his thought and scratched his nose furiously. If he was going to be a rich successful doctor and scientist he would invent a plug you could install in your brain and every time you need a smart/ sassy/ wise/ sexy reply or thought or story the plug would sent the right signals to his brain and then _bam!_ No more embarassing._ _

__But sadly they were in the future not yet and he had to come up with some own stuff._ _

__Luckily, Even seemed not to be a person who gets offended easily. He was more the always-sunny-and-happy-and-you-should-hate-them-because-no-one-is-so-damn-happy-and-nice-but-you-can't-blame-them-because-they're-so-endearing-and-you-just-wanna-protect-them- kind of human being._ _

__Because he just laughed again. Isak had thought he hated people who are like this. All sunshine and stuff. The glass is half full type. He thought they were annoying._ _

__“Okay, come here“, Even said and beamed at him. “I will proof you that I am not lying to you.“_ _

__Isak snorted. “Oh, and how are you wanna do this?“, he adked with a crooked smile and felt a thing when Even played with his eyebrows._ _

__“For that“, he said and winked at him, “you will have to get your ass over here.“ He took another drag of his dying joint._ _

__Isak rolled his eyes. “Ok, fine“, he said and came over to Even. He then stumbled awkwardly in the bathtub right next to Even. Oh wow. He had underestimated how small it was actually._ _

__He was very close to the other boy and his whole body was tensed up._ _

__Even handed him over his joint, while he fumbled on the zipper of his jacket. “You can take a drag“, he said when he noticed Isak held the joint carefully. “I mean, if you smoke.“_ _

__Isak nodded and dared to take a drag. He didn't thought about the fact that he had his lips on the exact same place like Eve seconds ago._ _

__“So... here you go.“ Even had finally founded what he was looking for and Isak let out a surprised “oh“._ _

__It was Even's phone and well... it was really bad cracked up._ _

__“Doesn't work anymore“, Even said and replaced the joint with the phone so Isak could look at the damage, then he squeezed the stub out. “When I wanted to answer you Mik called me and later we wanted to go out with the boys and Mikael thought it would be funny to make drunk pics with my phone and he swears that he can't remember but there were suddenly cracks, like _out of the blue, Even, I swear_.“ He snickered and Isak wiped his thumb over the broken display._ _

__“Be careful, there is splinters“, his company warned and took his phone again._ _

__“Damn, dude, sorry“, Isak said. “Is he going to buy you a new one?“_ _

__Even let his toes wiggle and only now Isak became aware that Even was also not wearing shoes. They stood next to the bathtub. Even's socks were red with little pineapples on it._ _

__Isak's were black. With nothing on it._ _

__“Oh, totally“, Even assured him, “I mean, how would I be able to answer my special guest otherwise?“_ _

__Isak coulnd't fight his own body; his heartbeat speeded up and he smiled. “You woulnd't have my number, though“, he reminded him and bumped his shoulder playfully._ _

__Even rubbed his chin and cleared his throat. “Yeah, about that“, he said and suddenly he looked shy._ _

__“Umh, do you still give strangers your number? If yo're sober I mean? Or do I have to see myself obliged to get you drunk to do that?“_ _

__Isak coulnd't help it; he laughed at that. It was just so _lame_._ _

__“Oh, so you can drink me under the table but Chris not?“, he laughed and placed his legs next to Even's over the bathtub edge. His body shifted closer to Even as side effect._ _

__“Yes“, Even said and turned his head so he could look at Isak properly. “But I would make sure not to use your mental state for my own pleasure.“_ _

__Wow._ _

__Even had changed the mood in less than a second and suddenly Isak didn't want to look at him anymore._ _

__“Oh, nice, is it that what you thought?“, he asked, suddenly provocatively. “That he just used me?“_ _

__“Isak..“_ _

__“He didn't _use_ me, Even, he was even more drunk than I was if you remeber. And he didn't force me or some shit I have done everything because I wanted to and...“_ _

__“Isak, I...“_ _

__He didn't know why he freaked out so much, he just knew that he coulnd't bare this word in this context, couldn't stand the thought of not being in his full willpower, of being thought of as weak and naive._ _

__“I knew what I did“, he said quietly and breathed slow in and out to stop his voice from shaking. “I knew what I did, okay?“, he repeated with his voice getting louder._ _

__Even sat there and stared at him with blankly eyes. Of course he didn't understand, he just _assumed_ some shit like everybody only to throw it at him and watch him crashing to the ground and step over his broken pieces._ _

__

__He knew that he had fucked up now. Even had triggered his biggest fear and he couldn't deal with it. He just wanted to be out, out of this stupid bathtub, out of this room, the house... out of this world. His heart raced in his chest. His eyes burned from the smoke._ _

__And suddenly there was a hand, a big warm hand with long fingers, stroking reassuring over the back of his hand._ _

__Even held his hand. No – he took his hand carefully, as if it was made of glass, and added pressure on it, slowly, so slowly, until it was just right._ _

__“Sorry“, he whispered, as if his words were too loud for the room, too loud for Isak's ears and would implode inside his head if he would go any louder, “I'm sorry, Isak. I didn't mean it.“_ _

__Isak felt like he was out of space. But the hand and the pressure held him on the ground and calmed him down so he didn't freak out. His heart slowly slowed it's pace and so did his breath._ _

__In this moment he didn't feel like screming because everything. He felt good._ _

__Like he was where he was meant to be._ _

__

__._ _

__

__Eventually Even let go of his hand. Isak instant missed it._ _

__“Why are you sitting in a bathtub?“, he murmured after some time and scooted closer to Even._ _

__“Because I want to“, he answered. His hands played with a hole in his jeans._ _

__“But no one's here“, Isak considered. “Just people who want to take a piss.“_ _

__Even laughed quietly. “So blunt“, he teased._ _

__“I've been told. But I hope for you that you don't sit behind the curtain and listen to people who...“_ _

__“I make noise, oh god, Isak, what are you thinking of me?“ Now Even looked at him outraged. Isak shrugged his shoulders. “You didn't when I came in though.“_ _

__“You didn't need to piss and I would have heard if you would've been coming over to the toilet.“ Even placed his arm behind his head again._ _

__“I like it, by the way“, he said and closed his eyes. “That nobody's here.“_ _

__Isak took advantage of the hour and looked at Even's features shameless._ _

__“Why are you here if you wanted to be alone?“, he asked and watched Even's face movements, every single one._ _

__“I was blackmailed“, Even answered and let out a chuckle. “Elias wanted me to come.“ He frowned lightly; Isak could see the little vain on his forehead when he did that. “And I wanted to get out actually, when you came in.“ He smirked and Isak's heart felt things again._ _

__“Sorry I disturbed your being-alone“, said Isak and he meant it. But Even shoook his head. “Don't be“, he said. “I was sad when I lost your number. I got actual mad at Mikael.“_ _

__He opened his eyes and for a second Isak was trapped in a blue ocean before he could looked away._ _

__“So our deal is still on yeah?“, he asked and Isak's head snapped up again. “Huh?“_ _

__“That I will show you how good I am in my job“, explained Even. Isak stared at him. “What?“_ _

__He probably sounded like he had a damage but he couldn't help himself. Now Even looked unsure and shy and added quickly, “I mean, it was just a joke, of course, umh, don't take it seriously I mean-“_ _

__“No!“, Isak interrupted too loud and rapidly. “I mean... I would... that would be nice.“_ _

__Even's face lighted up. “Yeah?“_ _

__Isak nodded. “Yeah.“_ _

__Even started to beam as if Isak's agreement was the best thing he had ever heard in life. “Well Isak, it's my pleasure to be your waiter“, he said and made a big gesture of shaking Isak's hand while Isak was laughing and trying pretendign to be annoyed, “you won't regret it and after this evening you will think different about... umh...“ He struggled for a word for a moment while Isak looked at him in amusement, expectant._ _

__“World“, he finished his sentence. “You know I would make an obeisance, but it's a little bit difficult in here.“_ _

__“Now I'm offended. Even, how dare you?“_ _

__“I know. I am so sorry, Isak.“_ _

__Isak took a deep breath. In this moment he decided to forget his thoughts and doubts about Even and just go for it. He could find a good excuse for his doing later in bed._ _

__“So, do you have a pen or something? And a piece of paper. Probably better than...“ He coughed, “your hand.“_ _

__Even laughed and rubbed his palms over his thighs. “Yeah, probably“, he said. Then he turned and stared Isak down with blue blue eyes. “So... let's find a pen and a piece of paper?“_ _

__“Let's do that“, was Isak's answer and under laughter he let himself help out of the bathtub._ _

__._ _

__

__“You have probably ruined the environment, you know“, Even told him when Isak finally turned the water down._ _

__“It's already ruined“, he shrugged and looked at his now wet and sad looking shoes sorrowful, while Even got in his own. He then came over to look at the damage._ _

__“Ew“, was his comment._ _

__“I know.“ Isak sighed. “Was my best pair.“_ _

__“You could color it“, Even suggested. Isak looked at him in a disbelieving look. “My shoes?“_ _

__“Yes, of course. It's not that difficult.“_ _

__“Please tell me that you are not some weird art student who drinks only red wine and sew their clothes by their own“, said Isak and stepped back as a precaution. Even just laughed at him. “I'm studying media and direction“, he said, “so yeah sorry to disappoint you.“_ _

__“Nah, that's okay close enough“, Isak said, “I can live with a media student.“_ _

__“So kind of you, Isak.“_ _

__“I know. Wow, I'm in the same room with a director, wow!“_ _

__“You might laugh but one day you might be right.“_ _

__“Okay, genius.“ Isak pointed at his shoes. “Save them.“_ _

__Even saluted at him and Isak rolled his eyes while he was getting in his wet and disgusting shoes.__

 _ _“Your wish is my command.“_ _

__

__._ _

__They found a pen._ _

__And some paper. Actually it was just a tissue but desperate times demanded desperate measures._ _

__Isak fight his way back through the dancing bodies to get back to the bathroom door, which was their meeting point._ _

__Even already waited for him, in one hand the pen._ _

__"Wow", he commented at the sight of Isak's tissue._ _

__"Shut it, there wasn't any better thing." Isak was out of breath._ _

__"How about looking in the kitchen maybe?"_ _

__"How about you would shut up already?_ _

__"Wow." Even let out a laugh, "so quick-witted. Okay then", he clapped his hands and handed him the pen with a solemnly expression. "Isak Valtersen, may you make good use of this pen and write the numbers of your heart on this holy piece of paper (which is in fact a tissue but nevermind) to bring some light into the life of a poor sappy man."_ _

__"Wow, now I'm afraid", mumbled Isak while grining from ear to ear. "Hello art student, I guess."_ _

__Even snorted. "That was nothing, Isak, believe me."_ _

__Isak shook his head and started to write his numbers for Even. Again._ _

__Funny actually, he never thought he would do that again. And even more: sober!_ _

__While he wrote some embarassing memories came up but he effectly shushed his brain. Not now._ _

__"All done", he said and held out the tissue. "Here, knight Even...ugh..."_ _

__"Bech Næsheim."_ _

__"Right. So, Even Bech Næsheim, take this and... ugh... protect it at all costs and... shit I can't do this - stop laughing at me, jesus!" He shot him a look._ _

__"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm just Even."_ _

__Ugh. So _lame_. So lame that Isak had to roll his eyes very hard at him again. "You're unbelievable."_ _

__"Yeah, I've been told."_ _

__Isak went red. Like he could literally feel the heat making it's way up his head like boiling water would be poured into him._ _

__"Umh, yeah, about that...", he mumbled without looking into Even's eyes and pinned his look over at some very ugly postcards near the stairs, "I'm sorry for... my behaviour and stuff. I... I didn't mean it."_ _

___I did. Every word._ _ _

__"Oh", said Even and stopped smiling. "It's all good Isak, you were drunk and said some nice things. Don't be embarassed", he added which in fact didn't make the situation easier._ _

__"Yeah I just... I'm not like this when I'm sober, so..."_ _

__The postcards were really ugly. Why would someone hang up this?_ _

__"Yeah", he heard Even say and somehow he knew that he just killed the mood._ _

__"What a pity actually", Even then added to Isak's surprise and he settled his look again on him._ _

__"What?", he asked him and watched him carefully but a little discracted. Even's hair started to loose the slicked look and lonely hairstrains were falling out of it's form. It looked cool and exactly like the way Even had wanted them. Even the little strain which kept falling on his forehead._ _

__"What a pity", Even repeated and looked him straight in the eyes, "that you are not like this when you are sober, Isak."_ _

__before Isak answered him, suddenly Even was surrounded by other boys._ _

__"Hey, man, where have you been?", yelled one of them and clapped Even on the back._ _

__"Yeah, we were in like every fucking room", sighed Elias, which Isak only reckognized now. "Mik wanted to go without you."_ _

__"Ey, that's not true!" A boy with longer brown hair and brown puppy eyes pouted at Even. "Ev, say something!"_ _

__"Traitor", said Even, "slay him!"_ _

__"No", Mikael yelled, but too late: Elias and another boy with black hair grabbed him under his armpits and started to drag him towards the terrace. The boy who spoke up first followed them after shooting a curious look on Isak._ _

__"Even, you're coming?", asked Elias over his shoulder while he held a fidgeting Mikael. "Hi, Isak, by the way!"_ _

__"Hi", murmured Isak._ _

__"In a minute", Even shouted back. "Find Yousef."_ _

__Then the boys were gone and Isak was alone with Even again. Well, out of perspective. The place was still packed with people everywhere._ _

__Isak was standing there and felt bad._ _

__For saying something like this and making Even uncomfortable while he was nothing but nice all the time. And now his friends had shown up and Even didn't even introduce him._ _

__Don't be silly, he didn't have the time for that and you are not that important._ _

__"You know Elias?" Isak looked up. Even's face showed surprise._ _

__"Yeah, I have the same classes like her sister", he answered slowly. "Sana."_ _

__Even nodded. "I know their family since... I don't know. A long time I guess."_ _

__"Yes, I went to school with her", Isak admitted. "But we came close first when we had our last year."_ _

__"Ah, okay." Even nodded._ _

__And they went silent._ _

__Isak died inside; he wanted to say something, anything to bring back the laugh and the smile and the _eyebrows_. But no idea showed up and Even didn't say anything either._ _

__Isak had almost given up and opened his mouth to apologize again, when Even suddenly spoke again._ _

__"You... ugh... you've got something there", he said._ _

__Isak looked at him and in then in the next second - he swore he had no idea how fast it happend - Even had a hand in his hair._ _

__His hair.__

Isak stood there completely still. 

__

__He didn't move an inch like Even's finger were something very shy and would disappear inside the woods if he would frighten them._ _

__

__His heart hammered again and he opened his moutgh slightly._ _

__

__Oh my god._ _

__

__When Even started to move his fingers Isak had to suppress a quiet moan (what the hell, Isak)._ _

__

__It just felt so _good_. So fucking good. _ _

__

__

__

__

__

__Neither of them spoke. They just stood there, next to the bathroom door, while people were dancing and laughing and screaming around him. In their own bubble of comfort._ _

__

__Even didn't move his hand away and Isak didn't want him to. And when his fingers fondled over his sculp for a brief moment, Isak had to close his eyes._ _

__

__Even's hand was warm and soft and strong at the same time and his fingers were the most gentle ones as they made their way through Isak's curls until they gripped something. Isak should open his eyes properly to look at the damn thing Even had fished out of his hair - how disgusting was that, fuck - but he simply coulnd't. His body betrayed him once more. And the fingers stayed, for a whole few precious seconds they stayed before they made their way downwards to his face._ _

__

__Then, right before Even would touch his forehead, he took his hand back._ _

__

__Isak almost screamed in frustration. All instincts inside him screamed _come back_._ _

__

__"Isak."_ _

__

__God, his voice._ _

__

__Isak opened his eyes very begrudgingly. Even's face was close to his._ _

__

__"Isak", he whispered. He could feel his breath on his skin._ _

__

__"Mm?" Isak would say words, but no one came to his mind._ _

__

__"You have a peanut in your hair."_ _

__

__He blinked. "Huh?" He then looked down at Even opened palm._ _

__

__Indeed. There was a damn little peanut in his hand. He should find Magnus and kill him. After hugging him._ _

__

__"Sorry, I have weird friends", he managed to whisper. Even smiled at him and it was different this time. Like it was just for Isak. His personal Isak-smile._ _

__

__"I can go with weird", he answered._ _

__

__"Eveeeeeeeeeen!"_ _

__

__"Oh no", he sighed, before a very drunk girl stumbled in their bubble._ _

__

__"Even, where are you? They all want to go, you have to come with us!" She smelled like alcohol and perfum and Isak hated everything about her in this moment, from her perfect looking face with a really complicated looking hairstyle to the bottom of her high heels._ _

__

__Even didn't seem to delighted, either. "Umh, I'm coming in a second, Tis", he said and shoved her away from him gently. "Go ahead."_ _

__

__"Ugh", she pouted, "you're always gone. Oh, or is it because..." She made big eyes and looked concerned up to the boy, "because of last week and stuff and-"_ _

__

__"Tis", interrupted Even and placed both hands on her shoulders. "Go. Now. Please."_ _

__

__She made a face and looked hurt but turned on her heels and disappeard in the crowd again. Even sighed and looked after her._ _

__

__"Sorry", he murmured, "I..." He looked reserved suddenly. And careful. Isak hated the girl, Tis, even more._ _

__

__But the spell was broken and wouldn't be back so he decided to help Even out of it._ _

__

__"You have to go, huh?", he asked and tried to sound as casual as he could. "Busy man you are."_ _

__

__Even smiled, but it was not a proper smile and suddenly Isak felt cold. What was it that made the panic and angst in his eyes?_ _

__

__"Yeah, my friends are waiting", he said. "I... sorry, Isak, I have to go."_ _

__

__He really looked like he was sorry._ _

__

__"Yeah, okay", Isak answered and ignored the tight feeling in his chest. "Have fun with your squad."_ _

__

__"I... you know if the timing wasn't that bad... you could have come with us", Even said and now his smile looked sad and Isak hated it._ _

__

__"No, it's okay, I have to go home anyway", he lied, "have to get up early."_ _

__

__"Wow, also busy man, yeah", answered Even, obviously grateful for the offer. Isak clucked his tongue. "Yup", he said, "may I introduce: chemistry-physics-stundent."_ _

__

__"Oh, wow", Even stepped back playfully. "That's tough."_ _

__

__"Don't you dare play the nerd-card", Isak warned him. Even didn't answer; he just grinned at Isak. "I love movies. Who do you think is the better nerd, huh?"_ _

__

__"Oh, you don't wanna mess with me."_ _

__

__"Challenge accepted." And hah! There it was. The real smile. Success._ _

__

__"Okay, loser", Isak grinned. "You've already lost."_ _

__

__"Pfff, I never lose." Even. "You will regret your words soon enough, Valtersen."_ _

__

__"Isak!", someone suddenly yelled, just in time with a high pitched "Even, man, get your fucking skinny ass outside, it's freezing, we don't wait all night" and they both had to laugh._ _

__

__"Seems like we are both V.I.P's", Evn joked. Isak nodden. "Yeah. That was Mags. He wants probably to be his wingman, ugh." He rolled his eyes and made a face. "So, anyway, uhm..."_ _

__

__"I had fun today", Even admitted, "thank you."_ _

__

__"Uh... your welcome." Isak shook his head. "I mean, I had too, I... I had fun too." He took a sharp breath._ _

__

__Even stood there and smiled at him. "Isak Valtersen", he said. Just that. Nothing more. And then again, a bit quieter: "Isak."_ _

__

__Then he stepped forward and raised his hand, like he wanted to do something, but stopped himself just in time._ _

__

__"See you, Isak", was all he said. Then he stepped closer and hugged him quickly. Isak had barely time to breathe him in, then he was out of his space again._ _

__

__One last smile, a wave with his tissue - then he was gone._ _

__

__And Isak stood there and coulnd't think. Except _what the hell what the hell what the hell_._ _

__

__"Isak!" A breathless Magnus showed up. "Where have you been? We were looking for you. You have to come upstaris, man, Jonas and Eva, man, finally!!" He jumped around and squeaked and didn't notice the frozen condition in which Isak was at the moment._ _

__

__"Uhm, yeah, man, I'm coming", he murmured finally and shook his head lightly._ _

__

__"Yes, man, I knew it, it was gonna happen at some point."_ _

__

__Isak resisted the urge to make a comment about him and Vilda and aggreed with him instead. He then followed Magnus upstairs with his legs wobbly and his heart full of confusion._ _

_._

Magnus was wrong though. Jonas and Eva were just talking in some room and when Mags stormed inside Jonas became really mad (Isak coulnd't blame him though.) After that Jonas wanted to go home because he had _totally embarassed himself_ in front of her and even Isak couldn't persuade him to stay. 

They found Mahdi and everybody went home and Isak ended up being in bed at one in the morning. 

He turned around in his bedsheets, pressed his face in the pillows and closed his eyes. 

He didn't want to think anymore. His head was about to burst with weird questions and his heart didn't know what to feel first. 

He didn't believe in this whole _soulmate_ crap. Not at all. 

Even was a friend. 

A new, weird friend who made lame jokes and touched his hair and said that it was a shame that he was only as clingy when he was drunk. 

Yes. 


	4. Love, dad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even write. Until Isak calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy! So it's been a very tough week and my internet is a stubborn piece of shit but nevermind.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this (slightly) smaller chapter, but I wanted to update something!
> 
> ...
> 
> Oh and thank you so much for the kudos and comments and everyone who likes to read this stuff (I have NO idea where this is heading to but yeah... I'll figure it out), it makes my day!!!

On Monay Isak was back into his normal, stressful life.

He had all hands full with uni and work. His teachers had gotten out of the summer laziness and showered him in essay's and assignments and he barely could keep his head above.

Almost every night when Eskild came out of his room to get ready for his shift at work he would find an even more grumpy and uncommunicative Isak behind a tome of the human's anatomy or scribbling with his tounge in his mouth angle notes on his block in his small compacted writing. Eskild would shake his head but say nothing: He knew how peevish Isak reacted when someone disturbed the precious silence of his studying. So he would just pat his head in passing and make his way out of the door.

Isak had stressful days, no question. And he had still to work at _sturbucks_ to pay his rent so he was more than tired these days when he stood behind the counter to receive orders.  
But the money was barely enough and he had also to eat and satisfy his necessary human needs to survive. When he looked at his bank balance his stomach twisted and he bit his lip. He didn't work too long at his new job but it was already to be seen that he would have to find something better and if he wanted to continue being independent from his dad's account it had to be better sonner than later.

So Isak was pretty worn out at the end of the week already. And the magic from last week was amost gone. There was simply no room in his head to think about this right now, he didn't have the energy. So he shoved it in the back of his head and didn't think about it further.

But he kept writing with Even.

Useless to say that it was the only thing that made him smile when he stood behind the courner and dropped a coffe over a costumer because he almost fell asleep or when he couldn't solve a tricky question in his essay or when he just couldn't sleep at night because his head was spinning with formulas and the physical exercises.

Sleep was in general something that came and left, depending on it's mood. It was Isak's biggest enemy because no matter what great day he had, no matter how rigorous he planned his routine so he could cuddle into his sheets at ten in the evening – it ended up mostly with turning from side to side, shifting around, sighing, cursing, turning light on again to read something or getting up to make a mug of tea or just water, wearing cuddly socks, waring a sleep mask, wearing non of that. Sometimes he got up to work out at three in the morning when nothing helped to exhaust his body. Sometimes he screamed his frustration into his pillows. Sometimes he cried himself to sleep. 

  
Sometimes he sneaked into Eskild's or Linn's room because it helped from time to time. And they didn't ask questions, even Eskild shut his mouth and left it to a tiny sigh before he let Isak snuggle into him. And in the next morning Isak would sneak out of the warmth and comfort before he could say anything. 

Yes, sleep was rarely an easy thing to him. And somehow it got worse these days and he didn't know why.

.

It was really pathetic, but Isak secretly loved writing with Even. It gave him some form of stability and hope at these shitty days.

Even sent him redicilously memes from 2014, made lame jokes and weird quotes from some directors Isak never heard of and was convinced Even invented them just to sound super nerdy and smart.

He even sent him messages on his voicemail. One day Isak was at the library looking for a book when he saw the message. When he heard it he almost fell off the chair because it was Even singing ten seconds **Single Ladies** to him.

They had been debating about what were the pro's and contra's of being alone or being in a relationship and Isak definitely did not ask about his girlfriend _or boyfriend_ casually in the course of the conversation, no, he did not. They were just _friends_ and friends knew stuff like that right?

So when he heard the answer in form of the dumb song he almost screamed.

.

The weeks flew by and Isak started to miss free time badly. He hadn't seen Jonas in years, hadn't joked along with Mahdi about Magnus... and hadn't got the chance to see Even again.

They hadn't talked about the few weird moments between them and Isak was grateful for that. Even just bantered along with him about the most abstract things and made Isak laugh and roll his eyes in the streets, in uni and in the tram and he loved it.

.

They always texted about normal things, daily struggles and movies and articles, fighting their opinion like little kids and made fun of each other.

They did that like it was a rule. The one and only rule, just not to talk about serious things. Sad things. Scary things. 

They did that until Isak broke that rule.

.

It was a Wednesday and Isak just dropped his pen on the desk like a mic, arms in the air and a big smile on his face.

He just completed a long difficult essay about the effect of hemoglobin and how it works in the applied science and now he had nothing to do until Monday. He had already worked all of his homeworks and read the chapter about the nerve capsules and now he was a free man. At least until Monday.

He hopped off his chair and threw himself on the bed. He then grabbed his phone and scrolled down until he found the boy's chat. It had been an eternity since someone had written something. He started to type.

**Boy Squad**

_Guess who's free until Monday?_

__

_**Jonas** : oh, look boys he's back from the dead_

_**Mahdi** : Hey man, finally!_

_**Magnus** : Isak's back Isak's back uuh_

_Fuck you Jonas I was busy, as one of the few at least I got a job and study_

_**Magnus** : Ugh, shut it, genius. How's the human body and the whole science stuff I don't understand?_

_awesome thanks I'll be the first one who will succeed in life_

_**Mahdi** : you'll be also the first one who dies because he set science above breathing and eating and sleeping_

_**Jonas** : ah, listen to this, Issy_

_why I'm always the one who gets mocked?_

_**Magnus** : …_

_**Jonas** : and Issy not everything in life is coming out of a book_

_**Magnus** : Now you're sounding like you're reproving Hermione Granger_

_What the fuck, Mags?_

_**Mahdi** : hahahaha_

_**Jonas** : so anyway I'm free on Sunday sorry bros I have to work on Saturday_

_**Mahdi** : I'm not available :( family stuff sorry Isak_

_can't you just ditch them?_

_**Mahdi** : sorry bro<3_

_*pouts*_

_**Magnus** : I can't either Isak, sorry bro  
Have a job interview on Friday, and the weekend Vilde and I wanted to do hiking_

_**Mahdi** : wut_

_**Jonas** : Hiking?_

_**Magnus** : yeah why not?_

_was that your suggestion or hers?_

_**Magnus** : mine, why?_

_umh I don't know Mags the romance factor won't be that high, will it?_

_**Mahdi** : actually when they are on a mountain it will be, though_

_**Jonas** : I'm laughing and facepalming at the same time_

_**Magnus** : Fuck you guys not everything is about sex we are just friends. And mountains can be so fucking romantic and shit, just think about the movie_

_**Jonas** : you mean this cowboy movie?_

_**Magnus** : yes it's a great movie_

_why would you watch something like that Mags what the fuck_

_**Magnus** : why not? I don't have to be gay or a girl to appreciate this kind of love_

_**Jonas** : well said_

_**Magnus** : and also because I wanted to inform myself when Issy came out to us_

_WHAT_

_**Jonas** : ha I knew it_

_**Mahdi** : oh boy..._

_**Magnus** : I just wanted to support Isak_

_Mags no offence but if you want to support me please watch something else_

_Or read some article_

_Or ask me_

__

**Jonas** : _hey, Mags, Issy just gave you the permission to ask him out about his sex life_

__

_I definitely did NOT mean that_

_**Jonas** : but go for it Mags, you have to tell us when you come back though! _

__

_ugh,please leave me alone_

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**Magnus** : _one day, Issy K, you will awake and think differently about love and then you will regret your stubborness and prudish behaviour. Quote by Henrik Ibsen_

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**Jonas** : _dangerous area_

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_I am NOT a prude!_

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**Magnus** : _you never want to talk with me about sex Issy_

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_that's because I just don't talk with anyone about sex, except when Eskild is blackmailing me. And because it's you_

__

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**Magnus** : _ey that's rude_

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_you're not my boyfriend Mags. Talk with your girfriend about it_

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**Magnus** : _it's not healthy, that's my opinion_

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**Mahdi** : _getting this excited about it is also qustionable if you ask me_

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**Jonas** : _ugh, anyway guys_

_Issy is free_

_So let's do something on Sunday_

__

_yess_

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**Magnus** : _how about tomorrow, Isak?_

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_only if you don't talk about brokeback mountain_

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**Magnus** : _deal_

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**Jonas** : _he's lying in your face, Issy_

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**Magnus** : _huh? I'm not? Could you guys stop it for a second jesus_

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**Mahdi** : _who called?_

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**Jonas** : _what has gotten into you man_

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_okay I have to work until five_

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_**Magnus** : okay perfect I'll just wait until you're done _

__

_great_

__

Satisfied Isak threw his phone on the sheets and got up. He wanted to shower, eat something and maybe watch some stupid shit because he _was free!_

__

“Wow, someone's in a good mood.“ Eskild was standing in the kitchen, stirring in a pot and whistling along to Rihanna's **Umbrella.**

__

“Smell's nice.“ Isak hopped on the counter and stole an onion ring from Eskild's tray. 

__

“Uuh, a compliment?“ Eskild made a frightened face and pointed with his wooden spoon on him. “Away with you, demon! How are you gotten so nice?“ 

__

“Ugh, nevermind I'm leaving.“ 

__

“Wait wait, Isak! Come on let your guru have a little fun with his baby gay.“ Eskild effectively prevented Isak's run by hugging him from behind. “I barely see my little kitten these days and when I do your face is gone behind a book!“ Isak heard the pouting in his voice and rolled his eyes. 

__

“Eskild, I'm studying, okay? I...“ 

__

“Nobody is stuying that much, darling!“ 

__

“I need to get good grades, Eskild!“ 

__

“You also need a social life, dear“, said his roommate and let go of him. “You need to talk to people and go out and have fun...“ 

__

“Not everybody is such an extrovert“, mumbled Isak, not happy about where this conversation was heading to. Eskild shook his head and scratched his nose.“Nobody is this lonely and find it good“, he said and something in the way he said it made Isak look away and shudder. He didn't want to talk about it now, he had such a good free time now, he just wanted to eat and watch **the simpsons** or just sleep, if he could. 

__

So he gave the older boy a certain look and returned to the counter. Eskild allowed himself one last sigh then he turned to the pot and started stirring again. 

__

Eskild knew more about his history than the most people, even his close friends. Isak didn't know what he would have done without him. He was the one who picked him up when Isak was a sixteen years old teenager who just had left his home and was so deep in the closet he didn't know how he would ever get out. 

__

He had found him in some gay bar, before someone else could find him and do anything to him. He didn't ask questions to the tiny boy with big sad eyes who cried the whole night in his appartment. He just shoved him over a cup of tea and a plate with crispbread. The only thing he asked was, if he needed a doctor or the police and that he wouldn't say anything despite what might it be. 

__

Isak just shook his head violently and tried to disappear in his dirty jacket. 

__

The next day Isak asked Eskild if he needed a roommate. But he just looked at the boy and told him to go home. So Isak ran away, angry and embarrassed without thanking him. 

__

He did. He ran at home because he didn't know where else. He endured the cursing from his father and the crying from his mother and the screaming from both of them one year longer. He stayed because of his mother, because her condition was so bad she barely recognized anything – except him. He had to stay because his father kept leaving the house for long times and leave his wife and son to themselves. But one day Isak coulnd't anymore. He was tired and exhausted and coulnd't breathe so he ran away. And this time he didn't come back, despite how loud his mother cried on the phone. 

__

He lived at Jonas' at first. He was great; didn't ask too much questions and just shoved a bedsheet, a pillow and a controller into his arms. His parents let Isak stay because Jonas had appearently said something to them and they knew a few things about his mother. 

__

When they lay one night in bed, Jonas on his own and Isak on a mattress on the ground, Jonas asked: „What is it with your mom, Isak?“ 

__

And Isak answered: “She has schizophrenia. Or something like this; I didn't understand everything what they said.“ 

__

A few moments of silence. 

__

“Okay“, said Jonas and they slept. 

__

Two weeks later, his father left his mother for real and she had a mental breakdown so she needed to be hospitalized. Isak visited her together with his dad, and she cried the whole meeting. Isak didn't. His eyes were so dry he had to blink more often so they wouldn't dry out. 

__

His father tried to talk to him but Isak would not let him. It was his fault that she was like this; when he would've stayed she would be normal. Or at least that was what he yelled at him in the cafeteria full of people before he stormed out and ran to Jonas'. He locked hmself in his room and cried until Jonas hammered on the door threatening to get the police if he wouldn't open the door. When Isak opened Jonas just threw one look at him before he hugged him as tight as he could and Isak cried some more. 

__

Two days later Isak found a cheap appartment with two roommates looking for one more lodger and he took his chance. When he met the people and saw Eskild, he laughed and hugged him and then he cried because he was a mental mess. And Eskild just padded his head and Linn gave him her water bottle. 

Isak lived with the two of them for one year. Then he graduated and went with the boys to a Sweden-trip. They stayed in some cheap hostel and one morning Isak's back was pressed against another body. 

The body turned out to belong to _Sam_ , some Irish guy who was one and a half year older than Isak and studying abroad. Isak didn't remeber how he had gotten in his bed, he just had a blurry memory from yesterday when they all got drunk in some bar and started to sing Norwegian songs. Appearently that had aroused Sam's interest in the group of silly boys who just graduated and didn't know where to put their energy first. Sam was also from Norway so he quickly joined the squad. 

And _he _knew for sure where to put his energy that night.__

__He stuck with them for their whole trip. And Isak was happy. He liked Sam, he adored his big brown eyes and his charming smile. And he loved his hair, his fluffy, light-brown hair and ran his hands through it as often as he could._ _

__And when the summer was over and the boys had to return home, Sam and Isak cried at the harbour._ _

__Isak came back and started to study. And one morning he went through his door and amost fell because there was standing a redicilous huge suitcase._ _

__Sam and Isak moved in together two months after that and Isak loved it. It was like his own little world where he could make all choices. But even more important: There was someone who lived with him because he _wanted to_. _ _

__Yes, Isak walked on air for two years. He did until he first stumbled, and then swayed and then crashed so hard to the ground it was a miracle it didn't swallow him and lead him directly to hell._ _

__

__

__After his break up with Sam he called Eskild. And Eskild didn't say anything to that, like Isak was sixteen again. Except that he let Isak move in this time, after kicking his replacement unceremoniously out._ _

__._ _

__

__

__“I think there need to be more sugar, what do you think?“_ _

__Isak startled and looked up. He didn't even notice where his thoughts drift off._ _

__He blinked and looked at a spoon, only centemeters away from his face. An excited Eskild was standing behind._ _

__Isak got the hint and opened his mouth to swallow whatever Eskild was cooking. He then amost spilled everything out._ _

__“And?“, Eskild ask innocently._ _

__"So _spicy_ , oh my god!" He rushed past Eskild and ripped a piece of bread out of the closet and began to chew violently. _ _

__

__

__

__Eskild smiled. “Oh, that's good, Isak, spicy is very healthy.“_ _

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__

__

__“To burn my throat is healthy, huh?“ Isak was barely able to answer, he had the mouth full of precious precious bread._ _

__

__

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__Eskild just waved his comment away. “You are way too picky“, he said._ _

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__

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__“What's going on?“_ _

__

__

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__A very sleepy Linn looked around the corner._ _

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__

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__Eskild beamed at her. “Linny, come here and sit! I have cooked a meal for all of us.“_ _

__

__

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__“Run, Linn, as long as you can“, said Isak, still coughing. “I will definitely not eat this.“ He stepped arond Linn and ignored the pouty face from his other roommate._ _

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__

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__He returned to his room and thought about what he could do now. It was amost ten on the evening. Eskild's shift started soon and Linn would go to bed._ _

__

__

__

__Okay... bed was out of running, he thought with gritted teeth. He could watch something. Or call Jonas. Or maybe start to look for a new job already._ _

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__

__

__He sighed and felt annoyed how his good mood began to drop._ _

__

__

__

__Okay, he would first order a pizza or something and then he would just lie in bed the whole night and watch **Fargo** **.** _ _

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__

__

He sat on his bed and took his phone in his hand. He looked at the screen - and froze instantly. 

__

__

__

. 

__

__

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_**Dad** : Hello Isak, it's your dad it's about your mother. I called you but you didn't..._

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__

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__He couldn't read any further because he didn't unlock the phone. He just sat there. Sat there and prayed useless words to the sky that it would not be what he thought._ _

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__He swallowed. He kneaded his fingers. Tried to ignore the sharp sting in his chest he knew far too well.__

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__Then he took a deep breath and unlocked his phone._ _

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__.__

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_**Dad** : Hello Isak, it's your dad it's about your mother. I called you but you didn't pick up so I will just write it. Your mom had a panick attack and tried to hurt herself. She's hospitalized now but the doctor said she didn't do it on purpose to take her life. She just panicked and thought it would help. She is unconscious now but only because the doctors gave her some sadation and pain killers. Please call me when you read this okay? We can talk about it and visit mommy when she's doing better. Love, dad._

. 

When Eskild would knock on the door half an hour later to look after him because he didn't show up, he would only find a rumpled bed, an overturned chair and Isak's phone lying by the wall across from his bed. 

. 

Isak didn't return until midnight and when he rushed through the door he only had a few harsh words to Eskild and Linn who had been very worried about his absence. He just asked Eskild if he didn't have to save kid's lives and closed his door with a bang. 

Now he was lying on his bed and cursed the universe for giving him this life. 

He knew it was going to happen at some point. His mother had done this before and the chances for a repetition were high. He knew there was probably nothing he could have done about it, even if his relationship with was better. 

So there was absolutely no logical reason why he was feeling like this, numb and worn out and like losing ground under his feet. 

He wished he could cry. But his body seemed to have a stupid self protection; he didn't let him. But if he couldn't cry the tension would not gonna find a way out and he would going to explode if he didn't do something now, he coulnd't just lay in bed while his mother was in some stupid hospital, alone and maybe in pain and afraid. She didn't even like doctors, she had told him that, but his father had no clue, this fucker. 

And how he had talked to him. _Mommy._. Like he was six years old and needed some nice words. He didn't. He didn't need anything. 

There was no mommy anymore. 

He felt his body shaking. He didn't felt his toes. When he put his hands on his own face they were freezing. 

Maybe he should call Jonas. He knew best about his situation and wouldn't take pity on him. But something inside him didn't want to talk to him. Being the small weak Isak again who needed help because he couldn't get his own life together. 

He didn't have any more relatives. From his father's side – no thanks. He had a big brother who had also kids Isak had played with them when they were young. And his mom had a mother left. Isak liked her – or, he had liked her because he didn't spoke with her since he moved out. 

Eskild was gone... and Linn was probably asleep. 

Ah. no. She was out with Julian. 

Fuck. 

Isak groaned and rocked himself back and forth. He felt out of space. Like he would either starting to scream and never stop or hit the wall as long until his fists were bloody. He had to talk to someone, no matter about what. Otherwise he would freak out. 

He grabbed his phone and stared at the screen. One unread message. 

**Even** : _I don't think you're right, Titanic had a lot more to tell than a lovestory and a seventeen years old girl who doesn't know the word 'sharing'_

For a short moment he wanted to laugh. 

_Why not. He doesn't know you. He knows nothing about your fucked up life. He won't judge. He won't ask. And if he does you can just hang up._

Isak ran his fingers through his messy curls. He was so tired. 

With a shaky inhale he wiped to his chat with Even. 

_You're awake?_

He sent the message and stared at the ceiling without seeing anything. _He's asleep_ , a little voice in his head said just in time with the of his phone. He sat up. 

**Even** : _yeah_

_can I call you?_

He waited, his eyes watching the screen with a dull expression. 

**Even** : _sure_

Isak swallowed and rubbed his toes against each other to feel something again. It didn't help. Carefully he then tapped the line that said Even's name and his number and held the phone up. It touched coldly aginst his ear. The technology did the rest and he heard the sound of the dial tone. 

. 

“Isak?“ 

His first impulse was to hang up immediately. Too warm sounded the voice on the other side, too soothing... and too deep because of the time in which Isak had called him. 

“...hi Even.“ 

He knew he couldn't play the everything-is-normal-I'm-just-bored-so-I-called- card the second he opened the mouth. Because suddenly his voice decided to made funny things with it. Sounding hoarse for example, as if he had screamed for two hours straight. 

“Isak, everything okay?“ Even's voice sounded carefully. Isak couldn't really blame him: the two times Even had hit a nerve he had panicked, freaked out and shouted at him. 

“Yeah, I just...“, he began before he stopped himself. He always said this, always when people asking how he was doing, how's the job Isak, how's the uni, what does the love? 

Even deserved the truth. He wasn't some stranger, not anymore, at least it felt like it. Sometimes Isak had the feeling he knew Even for a whole while longer than he did actually. So he cleared his throat. 

“No“, he improved himself. “No, not really.“ 

Ah, and now his voice decided to take a break. Like, literally, his voice broke at the end of his sentence and suddenly he felt heat in his cheeks and his nose and wetness in his eyes. 

There was silence on the other side for a moment. 

„I'm sorry, Isak“, said Even and it was so soft, so _fucking_ soft. Isak wanted to take his voice and just make himself a blanket out of it to wrap himself in it. He would sleep like an angle, for sure. 

Even cleared his throat. “Do... do you want to tell me what's wrong?“ 

Isak hesitated. But he was not ready yet to show Even the fucked up version of him. Not yet. 

So he just shook his head despite he couldn't see it. “No I just... I wanted just... go for a little chat, you know? I... wanted to hear your voice.“ 

He didn't know until he said it but it was true: He craved for Even's voice. He loved it since he had heard it the first time and the shudder which went down his spine every time Even said his name was so good. Isak was too tired now to deny it. 

His confess made him blush even no one was there to witness it. 

Suddenly there was a laugh coming out of his phone and his heart _ached_. 

“Well, good that I wanted to hear yours, too.“ 

Even? Had wanted to hear him? 

“Oh... you did?“, was the stupid answer he was able to give. 

“Yeah.“ Even sounded sincere and something in Isak shifted. Then he remebered why he had called in the first place and the numbness was back. 

“I don't know“, said Isak and snuffled his nose. “Umh, how much time do you have? Just talking, no matter what, I just need...“ Suddenly he became very insecure. This was stupid; how was someone going to help him even if he didn't know the details? 

“You know what, forget it, I'm sorry“, he blurted out and hang up before Even could reply anything. 

He then shoved his phone under his sheets and burried his head inside his pillow. Nothing made sense. He made no sense. What are you doing, Isak. Even can't help you. Nobody can. And he is probably not interested in the problems of a heartbroken twenty years old boy who doesn't talk to his parents and is not able to control his fucking feelings. 

And not to forget, is was out of your league anyway. But they were friends, so... no pressure. 

And he knew him for a few fucking weeks, they couldn't be that close after this short time. No... it had been a stupid idea to call him. He thought probably he was some weirdo. More than he already did, Isak thought darkly. 

His sheets suddenly vibrated. Well, not exactly the sheets: The phone beneath. 

Isak stared at the screen. 

It was Even. 

Even called him back. 

Why the _hell_ would he call back? 

Isak took his phone in his right hand while propped himself up onto his elbows. He looked good five minutes on the screen without taking the call. He simply didn't know what to do. what to say. 

But then he took it instead of ignoring it. 

“Yes, hello?“, he asked and felt very, very dumb. 

“I was in the grocery shop today, you know, the big one where they have the good apples, all organic and bio and stuff.“ 

Isak blinked slowly. What the... 

“And then there was this little kid, and I swear you, Isak, I love kids, but this one, that wasn't even human, it was the _devil_ , I swear, because... okay, imagine, I was standing right in front of the apples and suddenly this kid ran into me and stumpled into the apples. Of course everything fell down and the kid started to sob and then his mother came and yelled at me and then some security came and yelled at me and I said sorry Sir but the kid ran into me, and then both of them began to yell again what a shame it was and what the youth is today, so unpolite and then they blame innocent kids, oh my god, will no one think of the children?“ 

Isak listened and let out a little snore. “Of course she said it like that“, he said. “And security? For what... protecting the apples?“ 

“Isak, you know there's security in almost every renowed grocery shop, right?“ 

“Yes, but they don't come running to you for _apples_ , dude.“ 

“Well, _dude_... if you say so. I mean“, he sounded offended. A little, little bit offended. „It's not like I've been there, you know, so how could I know what was happening...“ 

“Ugh, fuck you, I just think that...“ 

They fought a bit longer about the real priorities of a security guy and Isak was grateful. The distraction, the stupid conversation, was exactly, what his body needed right now. 

“Okay, okay, hipster“, he said, when he heard Even breathing in, undoubtedly to list a few more things to prove that he was right, “just tell me the rest.“ 

“ _Hipster?_ Me?“ 

Isak almost smiled at the acted offendness. “Yeah, it's futile to deny it, sorry.“ 

“Pfff. You're not even better.“ 

“Huh? I'm not the one who buys everything in bio and use organic bags and listen to **the beatles** and play guitar and write in notebooks becaue I'm extra as fuck and won't use my phone as any normal person...“ 

“I will never ever write you stuff again. You're cruel.“ 

“I'm just honest with you.“ 

“Secretly you love it, admit it.“ 

“You wish.“ 

“Maybe it's not a good ídea we meet again. I might scare you away with my all hipster-being.“ 

“Yeah you might be allergical to my all-normal-personality.“ 

“Oh, trust me, there isn't such a thing“, said Even gently and Isak didn't know which one of his statements he had ment. 

They had reached the time where banter was not a problem any more. Isak began slowly to relax, even if he know that in the second when they hang up he would probably crumble. 

So he kept teasing and asking Even, about his day, about his week even if he knew the most things because they wrote so much. 

It was almost two in the mornig when he heard Even yawn. 

“Ugh, sorry“, he said guilty. “You should probably go to sleep you have school tomorrow.“ 

“I don't mind.“ 

Why he sounds so sweet. What is this about his voice, fuck? 

“No“, Isak insisted and felt his heart speeding up. He didn't want to leave this situation. He would have to face his real problems after that. He wanted to talk to Even for the rest of the night. Without a warning he remembered when they had hugged, the first time, tight and warm. Isak had felt so safe. He wanted to go back and hug Even again. As long until his problems were all gone and nothing was left except them. 

Isak didn't have the strength to stop himself from imagine this scene. He even considered the possibilities to convince Even to come over (he didn't live that far though). But in the next second he shook his head about this dumb idea. 

“Are you sure?“ 

If Even woulnd't speak so... soft. As if he cared. As if he wanted Isak to be okay. It made erverything worse. 

Isak felt tears in his eyes, he couldn't keep it back anymore, he felt it. He was going to burst and he should hang up quickly if he didn't want Even to witness that. He couldn't know, he would think he had real issues and would stay away like Sam, but he couldn't, Isak needed him to stay, so he should really really quit the call. 

He didn't. 

“Isak?“ Suddenly Even sounded worried. “Isak, are you crying?“ 

“No“, Isak said with a voice so hoarse and stifled that he was wondering how a single sound could come out of his mouth. 

“You're crying. Isak.“ 

“No shit, Sherlock.“ Isak wiped his tears furiously away, but new followed instantly. “Just... hang up and sleep, I'm fine, okay?“ _Never felt better._. “Sorry I bothered you.“ 

There was a long silence at the other end and Isak cried some more because now Even knew, now it clicked, now he finally saw how messed up he was. 

But Even surprised him. It was appearently his mission to surprise Isak every time he thought he knew what he was gonna do. 

“Isak, who is with you?“ 

Isak was so confused that he stopped sobbing for a minute. “W-what?“, he said with a hiccough. 

“Who is with you, Isak?“ 

“No one. Eskild's on work and L-linn's with her boyfriend at his home.“ 

Another few seconds of silence. 

Then... 

“Okay, hold on.“ 

And then the line was gone dead. 

Even had just hung up. 

Isak's thoughts swirled in his head. Was Even going to come here? To him? 

No, he wouldn't do that, who would gonna do such a thing, that's ridicilous Isak, don't be weird, it's just stupid. 

He was probably going to call him back any second, they just lost the connection. 

. 

But the minutes passed by and no Even called him back. 

Isak – meanwhile in a sitting position – chewed nervously on his fingernails without letting the phone out of his sight. He was so cunfused he forgot to cry and feel like shit for a moment. 

It'd been almost fifteen minutes, when he heard the doorbell rang. 

_What the fucking fuck._

As if in trance Isak got up and stumbled to his door. He wore a grey hoddie, sweatpants and white socks and his hair was a mess, let alone his face but he couldn't bring himself to change it. The situation was too bizarre to dress up. 

His feet patted over towards the door like a robot. Before he opened he breathed in and out. 

Behind this door was standing Even. 

Beautiful, kind, funny, calming, sexy, safe-feeling Even. 

Fuck. Okay Isak, you can make it. Be just normal. 

A brief thought came to him that it was probably too late for 'normal', but who cares? 

He swallowed and opened the door. 

“Hello“, said Even and Isak's intention to be strong and not whiny disappeared straight out the window. 

Even was standing in the doorframe and looked unsure if he should just step inside or not and in this moment, when he looked up as the door swung open and their eyes met Isak knew nothing but one thing: That he did right when he called. 

Even wore a light blue jacket, but the zipper revealed a simple white shirt and a grey opened hoodie beneath it. The hood covered with the wine-red cap his darkblond dishevelled hair and the long grey fluffy looking scarf which was wrapped multiple times around his neck completed the picture. He wore plain black pants and sneakers with orange stripes on it. 

Everything looked like Even had gotten dressen in a hurry. Everything looked perfect on him. 

Isak didn't know why his brain catched up so many details about his clothes when the last times it's only job was to prevend Isak from speaking normal, but he couldn't stop himself. 

Even looked at him with a look as he wanted to say something, but then he looked away. He stripped off his beanie and hood to ran his hand through his messy hair. Isak could see him swallow, his Adam's apple was bobbing. His hands were playing with his cap. 

Suddenly he looked up again and this time he held his gaze. “Isak...“ He stopped. Isak knew that he was blocking the way inside and that he was rude and Even would probably catch a cold if he was standing any longer here with an open jacket. But his feet didn't want to move. 

Like he said his body decided to do it's own stuff. 

“How are you?“, was the final question that came from the boy at the doorframe. 

_The boy at the doorframe_. Sounded good, could be a title for a very cheesy novel or something. 

Isak suddenly felt the urge to laugh at this thouhgt and when he remebered that he was not supposed to laugh in his current situation he tried to suppress it. But then he became aware of the question Even just asked and the urge became even more desperate because he had actually no words for his mental feeling, jesus, he coulnd't feel his own body and because he wanted to cry so bad and he wanted to sleep so bad and because suddenly everything was too much and he wanted nothing but disappear and never looking back and then he couldn't hold it back any longer and he started laughing and he laughed loud and hysterical and probabyly very creepy. 

Because he was freezing inside, and because he was alone, and because his mother had tried to kill herself and even if not she at least had been very close. 

Because he felt so much and couldn't talk to anybody about it because he just didn't manage it and was unable to trust persons, and because he couln't change the way he is and shut his brain up for one second, and because he was so damn tired, and because his body still felt numb, and because _Even_ was there and looked at him like he mattered, and because he realized he was shaking from all the laughter and because everything was just too fucking much and he wanted nothing but to stop it. 

And then he felt two strong arms around his middle that pressed him close to another body and Isak inhaled sharply because of the sudden pressure. The body was warm and comfortable and wrapped him in a tight cocoon, safe and warm and far away from the world and he had to close his eyes. 

Even held him like he was going to burst if he would let go. As if he wanted to hold him like this forever. As if he wanted to protect him from all harm and Isak hated him for that because he had sworn himself that he would not be again this dependent from somone because he would got disappointed, over and over and over and over again. 

But his body betrayed him some more. 

Because he just realize that he had never felt things like _this_ when Sam had been holding him, and that it felt so fucking good, and that no one had held him for so long like the way he needed. And Isak was too weak to do something against it. 

So he gave in and hugged Even back and Isak didn't just hug him back, he clinched to him like his life was depeding on it. He burried his head in the crook of Even`s neck and tried to get impossible closer, he wanted to be surrounded by his scent everywhere, he wanted to be as close as possible to him to make sure he wouldn't let go like the others. 

Even didn't. 

They stood there, in the doorframe and hugged. Even's bodywarmth seemed to wake up Isak's cold body a bit because he suddenly realized that he was trembling as fuck and made them both shaking. 

He then realized that he was trembling so much because he was crying, not laughing. 

He sobbed so loud and so desperately, like all the pain from the last ten years was getting washed out of his mind, of his body, his soul. 

And Even was there to hold him, to mumble sweet soothing nothings into his hair while he his fingers carded tenderly through his curls and his grip only tightened around him, make sure to ground him, rocking him gently and every touch felt so good, so _right_. 

“I...“, sobbed Isak desperately, “I can't... I... I can't...“ 

“Shh. I know love. I know“, mumbled Even, hands running soothingly all over his back, his shoulders, back to his head. 

“Don't...“, said Isak and it sounded lke he was dying, “don't leave. Even... please.“ The last words were hard to understand because a new wave of crying and trembling came over him and he burried his face again in Even's scarf. 

He almost didn't hear Even`s quite response over his own sobbs. But when he did something took place in him, something that calmed him down immediately and made him breath silghtly better. 

“I won't“, whispered Even in his ear while he cradled him, „I won't, Isak.“ 

. 

Isak didn't remember how they got into his bedroom. It was not necessary though. Later he remembered only the important things. Or just pieces of the things that happened, he was not quite sure. 

Even gently shoving him toward his door while still hugging him. 

Warm hands which lay him down. 

Hollow feeling from all the crying. 

Footsteps, that came back. 

Even, with a washcloth and a waterbottle. 

Gently demanding to use both things. 

Cold face. Cold liquid. Better feeling. 

His head on the pillow. Even facing him. 

Blue, blue eyes. 

“Do you want to talk?“ 

Head shaking. 

“Sleep?“ 

Nodding. 

“Want me to stay here?“ 

Nodding. Tightening grip on the hoodie. 

“You need something? What do you need?“ 

_You_. 

Bed squeaking, then Even`s face. Close. 

Beautiful. 

“Isak.“ 

More tears. 

Fingers, that wiped them away tenderly, so tenderly. 

Fingers over his face, stroking gently. It almost hurted. 

So good. 

“Sleep, baby.“ 

Closing his eyes. 

He was so tired. 

Blue oceans sent him to sleep. 

He closed his eyes. 

So tired. 

Sweet humming. 

Sleep. 

Dreams. 

.

Lips kissing his forehead. 

Washing the sorrows away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a bit carried away. I didn't plan Even to come to Isak this early but here we go... It just happened!
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you liked it.
> 
> <3
> 
> ...
> 
> Oh, and for those who commented: I didn't like it that Isak went with Chris, either but it had to be;). And ooh yess slow love is great! Even is the most precious thing!! I wish I knew someone like him, too. Or Isak. Or Eskild. Actually almost everybody.
> 
> And thanks for the sweet compliments, (last thursday I sat in my English lesson and couldn't stop smiling because of a comment. My teacher probably thinks I am weird now^^) !
> 
> ...
> 
> I have a test tomorrow so I'm gonna leave it as it is and edit it tomorrow. Sorry if there's any big mistakes.


	5. Your soul is talking to me, Isak Valtersen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Sorry for the break but I'm swimming in work. Please don't be mad if one week nothing is posted. I do my best.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! And thank you for the lovely comments and kudos. I'm smiling every time.<3

When Isak woke up his first – and very weird – thought on his mind was that he had forgotten to do laundry. He was sure he had the intention to do it, since there was no big uni stuff to complete, he was so convinced, but something had distracted him from doing it.

He blinked slowly, trying to shut the bright light out that came from the window. He had forgotten to close his curtains, too, dammit.

He let ot a groan and snuggled deeper into his sheets, trying to chase his sleep back. Somewhere in Oslo a rooster crowed. What the hell.

Isak's brain didn't work yet so he felt still warm and sleepy and actually very very comfortable. He closed his eyes, decided that he would try to sleep some more and moved a little, using the body behind him as a steady and safe ground...

Wait.

_Wait_.

Isak's eyes opened in slow-motion.

Then he shifted as little as possible.

Even groaned and tightened his grip around his waist, his nose burried in Isak's hair. He was curled around him like a human sleeping back.

Warm and soft and so. Fucking. Nice.

Isak was still a bit sleepy and for a brief, delicous moment he imagined he would get amnesia so he would forget magically all the strange things from yesterday and could simply snuggle back into Even for the rest of the day. The memeories had not gotten to him yet.

But in the cruel world he was forced to live in, dreamy bubbles had the tendency to burst and Isak was no exception. His brain gave the order to wake him up because his brain never did what Isak wanted and in the next second the signal from Isak's awareness of the other boy being in his bed was sent to his nerve centre, where the information got processed and the appropriately response was sent back.

In Isak's case it was simple enough because his brain decided for the freaking-out modus.

His eyes widened. His mouth was hanging open he was suddenly very much awake.

Oh god.

Oh my _god_.

_What the fucking fuck._

The memories from last night suddenly found their way back in his useless brain but he didn't know which ones were just imagined and which were real. He felt like screaming.

Like a teenager with his first crush in bed.

So _redicilous_!

In fact so redicilous that Isak needed to get up to escape Even's spooning.

That was what his brain was telling, no, screaming at him, to get away from a very awkward situation when the other boy would wake up.

Easier said than done, though,, because his body simply refused to move. Like, at all. It just felt so _cozy_. Isak had had for so long no one to cuddle. And now a freaking adorable person was in his bed.

In his bed. If he would be standing he had gotten wobbling knees, but for now he had to be satisfied with a heartbeat in his throat and, apart from that, a stiff body.

So he needed all of his human, rationally strength and more to disangle himself as carefully as possible from the hands around his waist. He noticed the long fingers.

In the back of his mind he thought that he had nice hands. Hands he would like to touch more often.

A not so small region in his brain yelled at him but this time it told him to get the hell back into that arms and Isak shook his head like a wet dog to get away from his thoughts. He then carefully shifted to the edge of his mattress and stood up with a deep exhale.

Without looking back he practically ran to the door and out of his room.

 

When he stood in the little bathroom he locked it, turned around and put his hand oveer his mouth to suppress the silent scream. He stood there for good ten seconds.

He then ran his hand through his hair, let out a deep sigh and sat on the toilet seat to bury his head in his arms. His heart in his throat, his thoughts crushing over him like a tidal wave.

What the hell was he thinking? Why did he call Even in the first place? Now he had a boy in his bedroom and no excuse to shove him out the door.

He groaned and tugged on a strain. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He didn't even know Even! They met twice, for fuck's sake, and wrote a bit. But there was absolutely no acceptable explanation why he called him, and not Jonas, or Magnus, or just someone else.

He wanted to laugh. It was just so pathetic. And ironic.

He had a mental breakdown because of his mother and the first thing he did was to throw himself at the first one guy he liked in years. He didn't call his dad to speak about the facts, no, he had to cry like a baby and show Eskild and Linn and _Even_ and his dad how mature and grown up he really was.

Now he didn't want to laugh anymore. Now he felt like hitting his head at the tiles until he could think again.

He kneaded his fingers nervously. What should he do. What the hell should he do.

He couldn't just go away and leave Even here. He would ran into Eskild and god knew why Even stayed with Isak in the first place, when he would meet his roommate he would for sure leave as fast as he could. Not because Eskild wasn't nice or something, he was just... too much sometimes. And he loved making intimations.

He could pretend that he had school. Hah, that was it! For one minute he was hell of enthusiastic about it, until he remembered that he had told Even that he was free until Monday last night on the phone.

Fuck.

He gritted his teeth and made a face at his reflection.

What he didn't want to admit while he was sitting there thinking about how to kick Even out politely was, that he felt in fact better. He was still exhausted from all the crying and sobbing into Even's shirt and his eyes looked like he had smoked weed the whole night and he was pale as fuck but at least his body didn't feel numb and was a little awake. And his heart still ached and clenched in his chest when he thought about his mother and that he had to face her and his dad, but he didn't feel like it would burst any second. If he thought last night the biggest hurricane on earth would swallow him, he today only felt like he would facing a storm with lightning and thunder and stuff but knew that he was going to survive it.

Isak stood up. _Okay, Isak_ , he thought, _you can't change that you called him and that he showed up. (and that you cried like forever and he didn't leave and was there the whole time to hold you and even sleep by your side when you asked.) Just be normal, thank him for his efforts and then ask him to leave. Polite. Not that hard, huh?_

 

.

 

When Isak sneaked back into his room on his tiptoes he peeked over to his bed – and nearly stumbled over his feet. He forgot all of his speeches and excuses to get this boy out.

And for a short time the bubble was back and allowed Isak to take a moment, forget that Even was a friend and Isak would get into hell's kitchen if he would go _that_ way any longer as he already unintentionally did. He could blame the early hour later. He could do anything later.

 

Even had turned to the other side in Isak's absence and was now laying on his right side, his face towards Isak.

If Isak would be a poet and would write cheesy poems and texts he had still no words for this. He would just appreciate the silence in which the only thing he could hear was Even's steady breathing (and still the damn rooster) and just watch, while the strange feeling in his chest would rise and rise. Aching and longing and so much _caring_.

He allowed himself that moment. Because it felt so good and he wanted to feel good. Because he could and it was too late anyway and because he was there, okay?

So he watched him. He leaned against the doorframe and watched him and took everything in.

Even's eyes were closed, of course, and his facial features were not playfully or serious or funny or concerned but looked smooth and soft. He looked younger. His lips were open the smallest bit and quiet, slow breathing filled the room.

The steady rising from his chest, the small sounds he made, the little twich of his nose. Isak took it all in as if it was his last chance.

Maybe it was.

While he watched the boy sleep, he felt himself getting calmer. He began to questioning himself the weirdest things in the back of his mind.

If it was really that bad if Even would stay.

If Even would wake up if Isak would snuggle back into him.

If he would wake up if Isak would count the freckles and moles on his body.

Even sighed in his sleep and Isak felt it in his stomach. Even's left hand ran through his strains for the shortest moment and Isak's fingers itched.

He wanted to touch that hair. He really really wanted to.

And yeah. The next thing he did was something what was probably called spontaneously.

Or stupid and pathetic. And he had no idea why he was doing it.

He walked – no, his feet did it on their own command – on his tiptoes to the edge of the bed. his eyes laid on Even the whole time so he nearly fell over a damn waterbottle on the ground. Then he stood directly in front of him.

Isak, what are you doing.

He slowly got down into a kneeling position.

He was like a moth. And Even was a light. No. The sun.

He was so close to his face and for a second he was sad because he couldn't see those blue eyes but only the long lashes which hid them.

Isak gulped and stared at the face. Suddenly all of his courage was gone, but it was too late now. He had come so far.

So he slowly lifted his right hand and brought it up to Even's face. He breathed in and carefully, very carefully let his fingers stroking through his silky hair.

And damn.

What a feeling.

If someone had seen Isak now he would have been blissed with an awestruck and fond expression on his face and had probably ask himself what had gotten in this grumpy body.

His hair was as soft and silky as it looked like and Isak knew he was lost in the moment he touched the first strain. His fingers wanted to explore the fluffy area and move through the hair and he had to hold himself back to not doing it but stay where he was.

Even's hair was not styled like usually so it fell over his forehead and his ears a bit. Isak smiled.

“Isaaak!“

The sound came so all of the sudden and unexpected that Isak jumped up and away from Even.

With hammering heart he looked over his shoulder to the door, from where the call was coming.

“Isak, are you up?“

“Shut _up_ , Eskild!“, he all but hissed before he looked again to the bed and almost died because Even looked him straight in the eye.

He looked yet very sleepy and a bit disorientated and blinked multiple times to escape the light from outside.

Oh Eskild, you better run.

“Umh“, Isak began because he felt like he had to say something before he realized that he was standing in the corner of his room still in his bed outfit, looking very guilty.

Even's eyes seemed to accepted the sun and he now looked at the other boy with an unsure expression.

“Isak...“, he began but was already interrupted.

“You know, I have to go, helping Eskild with stuff you know. See you... later.“

And then Isak was out of the door again and had to prevent himself from hitting his head at his bedroomdoor.

 

.

 

“I already told you, Eskild, he is just a friend, jesus, how many times I have to repeat that?“

Isak was grumpy. Nothing left of his warm feeling earlier, let alone the _thoughts_.

He was sitting in the kitchen. He was there since half an hour, slurping a coffe and drumming with his fingers impatiently on the table.

Even was still in his bedroom and he didn't dare to get back and dress himself.

Which meaned he had to deal with a very curious Eskild.

“But why he isn't here?“ Eskild didn't give up. “I mean, I have never heard of him before and I know all of your friends.“

“You do not know all of my friends, what the fuck, Eskild? I'm not a social nerd.“

“Why are you supposed to be one because of that?“ Eskild sighed and waved at him wtih the fabric of his purple tunic. “Sometimes I don't get your thoughts, baby gay.“

„Good“, he snapped back.

It was bad enough that he needed all of his willpower to not think about what happened yesterday.

He was nervous. And now he had to deal with Eskild, who ruined the moment.

He didn't do it on purpose, Isak knew that but right now it was enough for him to be silent.

“Isak, I told you I am sorry for yelling, but this huge spider, you have no idea!“ Another dramatic gesture with the tunic.

“Eskild, there was no spider in three miles, you just wanted me out of bed so I could make you coffe.“ Isak groaned and laid his head on the table.

But in the next second he sat straight and looked alarmed to the door.

There was a noise like a door was opened. Footsteps tapped over the floor and in the bathroom. Another door noise.

Isak sighed of relief. He then became aware of Eskild's look.

“No, Eskild, let it be, please!“

Eskild looked like he wanted to say a lot of things. But then he just grinned and turned towards the sink.

Isak needed to move out.

“Umh, where's Linn?“, Isak asked to make conversation. And distract himself.

“Sleeping, as always, the poor girl.“ Eskild sighed. “I don't know, do you like this boy, Isak? The boy she's dating?“

“Julian Dahl?“

“Yeah, I don't know, she deserve so much, and he... you know, when they were here a few weeks ago, I offered them tea and cake and you know he just said...“

Isak was not interested in what Julian Dahl had said about it, and he would never know it, because suddenly there was a voice behind him.

“I don't want to interrupt, but I like need to leave now and... uhm... wanted to say goodbye to Isak?“

Isak's blood run hot, than cold, than hot again. He shoved the mug with coffe away from him and slowly turned around.

Even was standing in the doorframe and smiled shyly at them. He wore the things from yesterday. They looked a bit odd and with a shock Isak remebered he slept in them.

_He_ slept under them. On top of them. Next to them.

Even's hair was still down so he didn't fix in in the bathroom and now he looked clearly younger.

_Cute._

Even looked at him and suddenly Isak couldn't stand his look. So he laid his eyes on Eskild which was not necessarily a better idea.

Eskild was staring at Even with his mouth gaping open. Isak could see the questions which fought their way out of his throat and that caused him to intervene. Bad things would happen if he didn't.

“Yes, of course“, Isak said, too loud and quickly cleared his throat while he stood up and stepped around Eskild. “Eskild is busy anyway, right, guru?“

Eskild shot him a look. “You could at least introduce me to this... angel.“

Isak rolled his eyes and Even smiled. “Hi, I'm Even“, he said and took Eskild's hand.

“Eskild. Oh my god, where did Isak found you? Did Oslo completed finally the recept to create the perfect man and Isak is allowed to play wtih their prototype?“ He winked.

“Oh my god, Eskild!“ Isak hid his face in his hands while Even just laughed. “No, sorry to disappoint you.“

“Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't, dear.“

“Okay, okay, enough.“ Isak stepped between them and shoved Eskild. “Even needs to leave now and you are... busy. Say goodbye.“

“Chill Isak, I'm just messing around.“ Eskild turned to Even and _winked_ at him. Isak could barely suppress a groan.

“Goodbye, Even, it was a pleasure to meet you. Hope you'll visiting us again.“

Even tried to say goodbye but Isak all but dragged him out of the door and closed it a bit to violently.

“Rude“, Even smiled. “He's fun.“

They stood in the floor now and Isak felt Even's bruning eyes on him while he was busy looking for Even's shoes.

A moment neither of them spoke.

Then - 

“Are you...“

“I just wanted to...“

Then they both stopped before they broke out in awkward laughter. “You first“, said Even with twinkling eyes.

“Maybe we should go downstairs?“, Isak suggested because you could hear every word form here when you are standing in the kitchen and have no better job to do as spying.

“Okay.“

 

.

 

“So“, said Isak when they both stood outside the building.

“So“, said Even.

Isak looked down at his shoes. He didn't know what to say. Not a new thing, but he also felt nervous and insecure. He didn't know what Even was thinking about yesterday. Did he wanted to know it at all?

Things came to his mind, things from last night which he could not forget. Things that were confusing and much and full of feelings and tears.

“You didn't color your shoes.“

Isak looked up.

Even was pointing at his feet and oh. He was right.

“Yeah“, he mumbled. “I don't know how to do it, so...“

Even slowly nodded. His jacket was open like yesterday and his scarf was even less accurate around his neck. His hat was in his pocket, just the hint of red was to see.

“You know, I could do it.“ Even looked at him with a crooked smile. “I promised you, remember?“

The party. That seemed years ago. When Even stroked his hair to find a peanut.

“Yeah, I remember“, he said and actually had to smile. “But I can't go around without shoes, so...“

“What?“ Even's eyes widened. “Please tell me you owe another pair of shoes, Isak.“

When Isak shook his head he received only a headshaking from the other boy. “That's so sad“, he said.

Isak knew he tried to lighten the mood and he was grateful for that – but something inside him just couldn't bring the effort and energy to joking around like usual with Even.

“Even“, he said and noticed how the boy's eyes immediately got from amused to sincere. “I... uhm...“

Just fuck it.

“I'm sorry for yesterday“, Isak said quietly while looking at a spot next to Even's left ear. “I had no right to... get that from you and you probably didn't want to spend the night somewhere else... you have uni and stuff... uhm... and... yeah.“ The words stumbled over his tongue. “Sorry for calling you and being weird and awkward. I'm not like this usually, I mean, you know that, I mean we write with each other. But I mean, of course you don't know me like this and I just want to say that I'm not like this and if you think I'm weird now it's okay, I had just a bad day and stuff, and I needed a friend and I like you, as a friend of course and what I'm trying to say is I am not -“

„...like this“, completed Even for him. “Yeah, I get that.“

Isak bit his lip to stop his rambling. He wished Even would say anything but he stood just there, silent, the hands in his pocket.

Eventually Isak dared to look at Even properly. Even looked like he thought very hard about something. His brows were furrowed and his jaw was clenched. He looked Isak straight in the eyes.

“You're feeling better?“, he then asked. Isak frowned, surprised by the question. “What?“

“Are you feeling better?“, Even repeated, voice almost as quiet as Isak's. “Better than yesterday?“

Isak stayed silent for a few moments. He felt better, no question. He had properly slept a good few hours and could rest, despite the horror he would have to deal with today.

He looked at Even and knew that he could not lie to him. He had been there for him and was always nice to him, always. Suddenly isak felt overhelmed by his memories.

Even had hugged him so tight. He had spooned him and said nice things to him and stroked his face and _kissed his forehead_.

Okay, the last one could have been the imagine of Isak's brain but still.

This boy.

This damn boy.

He deserved the truth and nothing but the truth. So he looked him in the beautiful face and answered: “Yes I do.“

Even watched him with a serious look. “Then don't be sorry.“

He then stepped a bit closer to Isak and suddenly there was sadness in his face when he spoke again, quietly. “I wish you didn't have to call me.“

Isak didn't like that look on him. It made him sad, too and he didn't want to feel like that this early in the morning. He had a full day ahead to be grumpy and sad.

“Me too.“

“Isak?“

Even's eyes were so blue. And his voice so concerned.

„You don't have to tell me what's going on but I just need to know...“ He looked at him and Isak recognized fear in his face. “It's not about you? I mean, you're not dying or something or need to go into prison...“ He laughed half-heartly and Isak's heart ached.

“No“, he hurried to say, “I'm fine, Even, don't worry.“

He then realized that was the dumbest thing to say and Even seemed to agree, judged by his eyebrows.

“Even... I promise you it's nothing like that. Really.“

That got him a small, relieved nod from Even. “Okay.“

Then the silence took over again.

Isak stepped nervously from one leg to the other.

_Say something about it. Just say how weird I am. Say it because I am a coward and don't want to begin that awkward topic. And because I don't want you to go._

But Even didn't say anything about yesterday. He just stood there and looked at Isak.

It made Isak furious inside but he couldn't do anything about it and he got confused more with any second. Why was he standing here yet?

Eventually, when Isak could bear it any longer he bit his lip and dared to ask.

“So... don't you have to go?“

Even's eyebrows lifted.

“I mean... you said it, that you needed to leave...?“ Isak could feel the blood rising to his cheeks. Great, Isak.

“Oh“, said Even. “Oh. Yes. Uhm.“ He scratched the back of his head. “I honestly just needed an excuse“, he said bluntly and Isak stared at him and hoped for a miracle so the ground would swollow Isak down.

When Even noticed his look he quickly added: “Oh no, god, not because... I mean, it looked like you didn't want me there or something...“

Isak prayed to the gods that he didn't know about the hair-stroking.

“Yeah, no, I mean“, he stuttered, “it was just Eskild you know, I got a bit angry because he was yelling and you're still sleeping so... uhm. Yeah.“

He scratched his nose. “I didn't want to throw you out“, he dared to say, fully aware of his blushing face. He had the intention to do it. That only Even's face needed to get involved to forget all of that was another story.

Even smiled at his words and Isak felt warm all over. “Okay, Isak“, he said, „that's nice.“

“I'm not nice“, Isak repeated automatically and Even laughed.

“Oh, I know.“

“Huh? Excuse me?!“, said Isak and suddenly the banter was back. “That's rude.“

“No that's me being honest.“

“Now I'm hurt.“

„Ah, such a sensible person.“

“Fuck you.“

“So _rude_.“

Isak smiled. “That's the right word.“

Even just shook his head and Isak smiled the tiniest bit. Then Even's expression changed as he had just gotten an idea. He turned to Isak and beamed at him.

“Are you hungry?“

Isak blinked. “W-what?“

“Are you hungry?“, Even repeated full of enthusiastically and grinned from ear to ear. “I know a very good place to eat.“

“I don't have any money here“, Isak hesitated but Even just waved this objection away. “It's okay, it's on me I owe it to you anyway.“

There was absolutely no reason in the back of Isak's head why the hell Even would invite him to breakfast.

Breakfast.

Jesus Christ.

“I-I'm not dressed, I didn't even shower.“

“So?“

“Uhm, I don't know Even, the people will think-“

“Fuck the people, though.“

Isak sighed. “Even, I can't just go with you to breakfast.“

“But why not?“ Slowly but surely the joy disappeared from Even's face. “It's just a breakfast.“

_Just breakfast. Nothing with you is 'just'_.

„Don't you want to eat with me?“, Even asked playfully but with a serious look.

“Yes, yes of course I want, I just...“ Isak fidgeted around. “I have homework“, was the first thing that came to his mind which caused the other boy to let out a mocking laugh. “Doesn't count. You already told me you don't have anything. Just say you don't want, Isak.“

Isak ran his hand through his hair desperately. “No, but you know, I just... there's so much... I just... it has to do with yesterday, okay?“

It wasn't fair, not fair and mean to use his mother as an excuse but Isak was desperate.

Even's face fell instantly. “Oh“, he said and stepped back. “Okay then.“ He bit his lip. “I... I didn't mean it, either, I mean you are probably busy and stuff with... yeah, whatever it is.“ He gave him a resigned look and Isak felt guilty as fuck.

“Even, listen...“

“It's okay, Isak, like I said, you don't have to tell me shit.“ Even smiled at him. It was a weird smile. “I will probably go now and... yeah, go home or something. I...“

A noise interrupted him.. he frowned and fished a phone out of his pocket. It was a very old Nokia-thing, like the ones which would survive the ice age and if it fell to the ground, the ground would be cracked.

He watched Even taking the call and thought very fast while Even talked.

“No, Mutta, don't do that. No! Just... I don't know, bring her back. Which idea...? Yeah, really? God, this boy!“ He sounded like he was talking to some schoolkids.

_Breakfast or no breakfast. That was the question._

“Tell him he's the biggest idiot. No“, Even laughed, “I won't do that, it's your damn thing.“

_If it would be really that bad if he would go with him...?_

__

__

_Yes. Yes, definitely._

Even was still smiling while talking to his phone.

_But if you want to be his friend you have to be _chill_. You are not chill, Isak. You just said to him you don't want to eat with him. He thinks you don't like him or something. Isak didn't even know if Even believed him._

“Tell Mikael... listen! Tell him he just should go to the doctor, okay, if she's hurt or something. No, no milk.“

_Breakfast was not that bad. And Even had said it's okay what he did yesterday. No reason to be embarassed and shy anymore._

“Yeah, that's... do that. Yes.“

_If Isak didn't go, it would get only _worse_ probably! Even wouldn't want to be his friend anymore._

“Yeah, okay, see you... me? I'm going home now, so I don't know, half an hour? Yeah, okay-“

“I'm dying.“

Even looked up, confused. “Huh?“

“I'm dying“, Isak said with his heart hammering in his chest. He sounded like the biggest idiot. “Because I'm hungry.“

Even stared at him for good five seconds. Then a voice came out of the phone but he ignored it. Instead a big smile spread over his face and Isak felt like the sun was rising.

“But“, Isak pointed out, “I need to shower and dress, so you will have to give me ten minutes.“

“Of course“, beamed Even. Then his brows furrowed. “But I have a little accident at home, so... I really need to go there... okay, here's the plan.“ His big hands cut the air while he was gesticulating. “I'm going home, shower and stuff like you and we meet in half an hour again in the street on the market place next to the grocery shop with the yellow curtains. Deal?“

Isak looked at that delighted face and couldn't hide his smile. “Deal.“

 

.

 

Isak managed to showering and getting dressed in the promised time, even it was close. He even convinced Eskild, who was gaping at him like a fish when he announced he would go to breakfast with Even as casually as he could, to not ask anything. But it was Eskild, after all, so Isak had to promise that Eskild would get details later. That Isak had emphasized they were just friends for like the millionth time didn't bother Eskild though.

When he just was on his way out the door, his phone rang. Isak looked at the screena and every good mood dropped out of him.

“Hi, Isak“, said his dad when Isak picked up the call and slowly walked out of the apartment. “Why didn't you call me back?“

_Sorry, dad, I had a mental breakdown and had to find comfort and rest and reassurance in the arms of a friend._

“Yeah, I was shocked at first, you know...“

“But you could have called at least. I would have talked to you, Isak.“

Isak snorted. “Yeah, right“, he hissed while he walked down the stairs and out of the building. “Please spare me the details.“

“Isak...“

“I don't need...“ Isak stopped and bit his lip in frustration. “I just... I can handle it, okay? Stop concerning.“

“You're my son. I will never stop concerning.“

isak bit back a bitter laugh. That was ironical, it was almost hilarious. “Just drop it, Terje“, he said and listened how his father breathed in when he heard his name and not the word 'dad'.

Sorry. This times are over. You screwed it up.

A few moments of silence. Then his father cleared his throat. “Okay, Isak, let's meet today, okay? To visit your mother and get to know the details of the further treatment options.“

Isak paused. “The further treatment options?“, he echoed. “Why, what's wrong with the old?“

“Isak, there need to be a change“, Terje said, “It can't be that she was able to do this, we have to watch over her more carefully so it won't happen again.“

isak felt his guts turning to big heavy lumps of ice. “Terje...“

“I suggest a full hospitalized treatment“, Terje said. “That would be better for everyone and...“

“No!“

Isak had yelled it so a few people on the streets gave him funny looks but he didn't care. While his guts were cold as ice his blood run hot through his vains. “You won't do that to her“, he said with a shaky voice to stop it from yelling. 

“Isak...“

“She don't like that, she will hate it and you know that. But it's not important, right, it's not necessarily, not when you can sit there in your fancy apartment running the business and...“

“I care as much as you do about how's mum doing, son.“

_Oh right. Now I am the 'son'_. Isak's hands were shaking. “You care about shit“, he said quietly, “the only thing that's important for you is your job. You just want mum to be locked away so you don't have to care for her.“

“Oh, and you care? How much have you visited her in the last year, huh?“  


Isak stopped dead in his tracks. He barely heard the voice when it spoke again.

“Sorry, Isak, I didn't...“

“All the time you weren't there.“

“What?“

“I was there, all the time when you didn't.“ Isak tried to hide it, but with every word his voice was getting louder and angrier. “I cared for her when you was working so hard you barely was home even your job was us, and not some stupid project of your company!“

Tears rolled over his cheeks, hot angry tears.

“Isak...“

“I will not let you do that“, he said with a choked voice, “and I won't see her with you, I will visit her on my own. Don't call me.“

“Isak, son, please, I never wanted...“

But Isak had cancelled the call.

He stood there, between a big road and a restaurant, and tried not to broke down again in less than twelve hours.

 

.

 

“Hi, sorry I'm late, but I had...“

Even stopped dead in his tracks and in his speaking when he saw Isak. “Isak, what happened?“

Isak know he couldn't go with 'nothing“, so he just bit his lip and shrugged his shoulders.

“Don't want to talk?“

He nodded. “Sorry“, he said with a hoarse voice, “but you will probably run away if I tell you, so...“, he tried to joke and Even was nice and laughed at that.

“Okay, well, then let's do something to lighten your mood“, he said and clapped his back.

Isak wished he would hug him like last night.

“Oh, and what's that?“

“Food, Isak.“ Even looked him dead in the eye. “Food can save your life.“

“Yeah, right.“ Isak smiled and noticed it was not so hard to smile like he thought.

Even just raised his eyebrows and dragged him with him with a grip on his elbow. “Watch me, Valtersen“, he said.

 

The food was amazing.

Maybe because Isak didn't eat anything for so long or maybe because he loved orange juice and there was some self-made, holy fuck, or maybe because it was something so _normal_ , sitting there, drinking coffe and eat scrambled eggs. Or maybe because Even was there with him to comment every shit Isak was eating. But it helped.

“You know, the only thing that's not so nice here is the scrambled eggs“, he said with a wink when Isak took another bite. Isak tried not to laugh with a mouthful.

“Oh, yeah?“, he asked when he swallowed the eggs. Even just nodded seriously. “I'll make you some one day“, he said while nibbling on his toast. “It will change you life.“

Isak hid his face in his hot chocolate.

_I'll make you some one day._

“What happened before?“, Isak asked when he was finished with his eggs and started to eat his golden toast. “On the phone?“

“Oh. That.“ Even laughed and took another spoon of Avocado cream. “Mutta and Mik had the great idea to stole a kitten.“

“A _kitten?_ "

“Yup.“ When Even noticen Isak stared at him he went on. “See, they found it in a plastic bag and took it with them to _my_ flat because I don't know, it made a mess everywhere and well. I needed to check and then bring it to a doctor.“

Isak tried very hard not to imagine an adorable little kitten on the arms of Even. He swallowed again and took another sip of orange juice. “You want to keep it?“

“Nah.“ Even shrugged his shoulders. “Don't think so.“

“Why? Would be nice, I guess.“ Isak smiled and Even smiled too, but for the tiniest moment something else was on his face. A mix of frustration and annoyed resignation.

“I'm not the best person to take care of something“, he said.

_You handled me. You are the best person I know for that._

But the look on his face prevented Isak from nagging about it. He dropped it and they talked about Even's friends and Isak's friends.

Even couldn't believe Isak knew Elisas for this long but had never seen Even.

“Like I said, I became friends with Sana late“, Isak explained. “And I don't know the other boys as well, you know, Mutta and Mikael and...uhm...“

Even grinned. “Adam and Yousef“, he finished.

“Yeah, Yousef, of course. He's in love with Sana, though.“

“Yes, he annoys us so much the whole day.“

“Sana don't talk about it. She's just peeling carrots.“

„Huh?“

They went on with the banter and Isak learned that Even actually came back from Trondheim a few weeks ago. There he had finished his final schoolyear after moving away from Oslo and now he had been there for a month to do a project with other media students.

When Isak asked why he left in the first place, Even flinched and just said it was something personal and Isak didn't ask.

“Just glad you're back“, he dared to say and felt proud when Even smiled surprised at him.

Even wanted to know everything about Isak and so Isak sat there in front of his hot chocolate and talked and talked. Even the most things Even already knew from their texting, it was different this way.

Even laughed about the wild adventures of Isak and Jonas, smiled about his complaining in uni and teased him that he was just too smart. Isak blushed and waved his comment away.

He told him about Mahdi and Magnus and Eskild and his shitty job and his fears that he won't make uni and Even listened and asked the right questions and laughed along with him and mocked him and made lame jokes and reassured him and said all the right stuff.

Isak didn't mention Sam or his mother or his dad.

Then Isak started to ask questions and the next half hour he stared with his mouth gaping open at Even who talked so passionately about film and direction and how he was insecure if he would make it and then he talked about cooking and about his favourite books and about his friends and he told him so many funny stories that Isak's stomach hurt from laughing.

“You deserved it, though“, Isak snickered when Even was finished telling him the ultimative story of him and Adam getting caught swimming in the lake at a school trip and they both got the cold of their lives.

“Excuse me?“ Even looked at him very hurt. “I was a thirteen years old boy with wet clothes and chattering teeth. You're so mean.“

“Why did you want to do this at all? It was october!“

“It was such a nice evening and you had a dope view at the stars and moon and stuff.“

Isak thought about a silly, romantic thirteen years old Even wrapped up in a blanket and sneezing and couldn't help but smiling fondly.

„Such a sappy hipster, even back then?“, he teased. What followed was a light kick against his leg under the table.

“You and your hipster, that's so 2014“, he scoffed. “I'm not like that.“

“I bet you could make yourself a little plait? Your hair is long enough.“

“Oh, and where're your little nerd glasses, huh?“

“Doesn't count, nerds are cool.“

“Why are you hurting me every time?“

“Again: I'm just being honest. And hipster also are wearing glasses.“

“Now you caught me.“ Even leaned back in his chair grinning at Isak. He frowned. “You're wearing glasses?“

“Yep. But only to read or when I'm tired.“

“Well, that's the proof.“ Isak took another strawberry. “Movie nerd and a hipster.“ He gave the other boy a certain look. “My condolences, Bech Næsheim“, he said.

“And pan. I live a dangerous life.“ Even stole the last strawberry from Isak's plate.

Isak paused in his movement to fight for the strawberry and stared at Even. “You're pan?“, he echoed dumbly.

Even laughed. “Yes, sorry if it's a shock for you.“

“No“, Isak insisted instantly and shook his head to affirm his position. “No, not at all.“

“Okay.“

Isak felt sweat on his forehead. Okay, stay calm...

Not that Even's sexuality would increase Isak's chances... then he shook his head again because what chances, fuck? Even is a friend! Don't screw this up.

“Most of the people don't know what it even means“, Even went on. “It's lightly exhausting when every third ask 'but it's not bi then?'“

“Yeah, I get what you mean.“ Isak remebered a heated debate about pan-, homo- and bisexuality between Jonas and Magnus. “But most of them are not mean, they are just not educated.“

“Mmh. I read an article which said that 35 percent of the people don't know what they are.“

Isak shook his head. “Must be difficult for people who don't know.“

“What about you?“ Even leaned in and suddenly the intensity in his eyes was back.

“Me?“ Isak laughed. “I think I knew I'm gay since... I don't know. Ever? But you know, I was insecure and all my friends talked about girls and stuff so I felt wrong and tried to hide it. And so i ended up being the probably most closed up boy on the history of Nissen.“ He finished his hot chocolate.

“Eventually I came out to Jonas and it got easier. I hooked up with some guys and stuff and then the summer came and we...“ He paused.

Even watched him attentively.

“Uhm...“

Suddenly memories came back. Bad memories. Memeories which hurt Isak's soul every time he thought about it. Still. And that annoyed Isak.

“Nothing“, he said, “I was in a relationship but it went bad. I'm not the type for that, I guess.“ He laughed awkwardly and shifted in his chair.

Even didn't laugh. He just watched Isak's expression with a look Isak couldn't quite decipher. Like he wanted to read Isak's soul.

But he didn't ask anymore.

“Sorry“, was his response. “For him I mean.“

Isak raised his eyebrow. “Why?“ he asked curious.

Even shrugged. “Cause he's an idiot for giving you up“, he pointed out while trying to get a last spoon of Avocado cream out of his bowl.

Isak's blood run hot again. But this time his guts wanted to join them and he tried hectically to conceal his fluster by hiding his face behind the menu card.

After a short while his circulation decided to calm down and he ask: “What about you then?“

“Oh, my story is nothing for today“, Even said and wiggled his eyebrows at Isak mysteriously. “The short version is I kissed my crush and he didn't responded like I imagined. That was pretty ugly but I moved on and so did he and yeah.“

Even shrugged again and ran a hand through his hair. It was still soft and not styled and Isak thought one more that he looked younger with that, more vulnerable.

Isak knew that this was not the whole story, not the way Even looked away when he spoke about it, obviously feeling uncomfortable with it.

It made him sad and angry. But right no he couldn't do anything about it.

They changed the subject and Isak felt like Even relaxed from a tension he didn't noticed.

Isak refused to talk about birthdays at first. He never liked those, because it reminded him of a whole family, a lucky and happy mum, dad and child and a big cake with many candles on it. But Even told him about his own and Isak listened with a smile to the childhood stories he brought up and after that it got easier to talk about the times his mother didn't throw things throught he house and his father didn't say things to him like today.

When Isak asked when actually Even's birthday was he grinned and challenged him to guess.

“Hmm....“ Isak narrowed his eyes and studied Even's excited face. “You love the snow but also the summer. You like to draw and to cook and you are a film student. Mmh... your favorite color...?“

“Depends on the mood.“

“Come on!“

“Okay... yellow or orange. But also green.“

“Green?“

“Yeah I like green. It's reassuring.“

“Okay. Then... and you are a cat or dog type?“

Even broke out in laugh. “I don't know. Really, I have no idea.“

Isak sighed, pretending to be annoyed. “Well, since there's a kitten in your flat I go with cat“, he said.

“Are you going to make a list and analyse it so I can get your result in two weeks?“, Even mocked. Isak sticked his tongue out, then he said: “You are a winter child."

Even nodded. “Impressive“, he said and smirked at him.

Isak smiled. “But the day... ugh, I don't know.“

„Twelve. And February.“

“Yess!“ Isak grinned. “Okay, now it's my turn.“

“Okay...“ Even went silent and stared at Isak for good two minutes. Which was not good for Isak's brain.

“I actually have only one question“, Even said after a while and leaned back while Isak breathed out.

“Shoot it.“

“Do you know Baz Luhrmann?“

Isak blinked. “Who?“

Even gritted his teeth. “Thought so“, he said and shook his head in disappointment.

“Who is that?“, Isak wanted to know but Even held up a hand. “Shh. I have to concentrate to find your holy day of birth.“

“Ugh, you're so weird.“ Isak scratched his ear while Even sat there with closed eyes and a concentrated face.

“Uh, I see... your birthday is... ah, it's difficult to see, wait...“

“Stop that, idiot“, laughed Isak when Even began waving through the air with his fingers.

“Your soul is talking to me, Isak Valtersen-“

_Please not._

...and it tells me your birthday is in June, no – May. No, June. Yes, June. And the day... uhm...“ He opened his eyes as smirked at Isak. “Twenty? No, twenty one?“

Isak rolled his eyes. “Tsss, at least I was guessing“, he pouted. “Okay, where did you see my ID?“

“What?“ Even seemed hurt. “I never would...“

“Even.“

"Blasphemy is a sin, you know." 

"Last warning." 

„It's a shame to-“

“Spill it, boy.“

“I had to check your age when you reserved.“

„Ah, okay.“

Even grinned. “You're twenty.“

“People could think you are stalking me.“

“Never.“

“But how old are you? Twenty three?“

“Twenty two. So much older and wiser than you so be careful what you say next time, _idiot_.“

“Tsss, I won't listen to an old boy who is a poor art hipster.“

“I'm leaving now.“

Isak lost the sense of time and when he looked again on his phone he startled because it was already past eleven.

“We are quite late, huh?“, Even said who also watched his phone. “Dammit, I need to get to the library.“

“Sorry“, said Isak and felt guilty once more but Even just gave him a look and he dropped it.

“So, then let's go?“

Even instisted in paying for both of them and Isak tried really hard not to blush about it. He wanted to give Even money back but he only shrugged and said he wanted to and it's okay and somehow Isak believed him and shoved his crones back into his pocket.

“So“, said Even, when they stood on the platform, waiting for the tram. Isak needed to get the train in the other direction but he wanted to bring Even.

“So.“ Isak rubbed the back of his head. “What do you need to do today?“

Isak didn't want Even to go. He felt good with him. Even stopped him from thinking about his parents. He distracted him, that was the only reason why he wanted him to stay, for sure.

“I need to get this book, it's very nice, tips and tricks for photography and filming.“

“I want to see your photos one day“, Isak murmured, “bet they are not that nice like you brag.“

“There you go, hurting me again.“

“What else?“

“Well, I don't know what to do with this kitten, so... I need to talk with my shitty friends, one of them needs to keep it. And I need a name.“

Isak snorted. “You don't even want to keep it, why do you think you have the right to baptize it?“

“Because it's in my flat, destroying my sheets and eating my food.“

“Good point.“

“Yeah. Oh, and I have to work today.“

isak looked up. “In that restaurant?“

Even nodded, his eyes glued to Isak. “And, will I get lucky to greet you someday?“

“Yes, of course“, Isak said without thinking. “But this time you need to stay so I can give you no tips.“ He laughed and then became aware of Even's expression. “What?“

“Nothing.“ Even shook his head and let the expression disappear. He cleared his throat. “Uhm... so, what are your plans today?“

Isak frowned. He didn't know what was going on in the older boy.

“Uhm, I meet Magnus today, it's chill“, he said. “And I need to work also.“ He cringed at the imagine.

Even nodded. Then he suddenly grinned. “You could work with us“, he offered.

Isak laughed. “Yeah, for sure“, he said and looked at his phone to check if Magnus had written.

When he looked up Even stared at him sincere. “It was not a joke“, he said, “We need more people for the tables in the third area and it gets quite intense at the weekends. If you want, I will ask.“

Isak's mouth fell open. “Are you... are you serious?“

Even's smile made him weak in the knees. “Yes.“

Isak tried to stay calm at the thought of him working at a job which wasn't the hell and brought him enough money. Not to mention working with Even.

Fuck.

“That would be nice“, he said, “my job's pretty shitty and the money is also not the best.“

Even nodded. “I wil ask“, he said. “Don't worry.“

The train rushed in. People made their way thorugh the crowd, stepping around the two boys on the platform.

“So“, Even said and gave him a crooked smile. “Have a good day, Isak. I hope it will be okay.“ He looked at him so soft and sincere, Isak wanted to cry.

“And if anything... gets to much or something... you can call me.“

“Yeah, I know.“ Suddenly Isak's voice got hoarse. “Thank you. I mean, for everything, I had a very nice morning. And night. I mean, not _nice_ , obviously, uhm, but...“

“Yeah“, Even said quietly, “I know.“

Isak let out a shaky breath. Why was he feeling like he said goodbye to his lover in some sappy Hollywood movie?

Isak didn't know. He only knew that he didn't want to say goodbye without knowing when they would see each other again. So he quickly went in his mind through his schedule and asked: “Hey, what about Sunday, are you free to brag about your drawing skills?“

He felt lightly proud of his calm and chill sounding voice.

Even stared at him. “Uhm... yes, I guess?“ He smiled. “I mean, I have to work, but the afternoon should be okay.“ He watched him again and then the beaming was back. “Then Sunday?“

“Okay.“ Isak smiled. “Sunday.“

Even needed to get in the train but he didn't move. Instead he came closer to Isak and then he hugged him.

Isak din't know he needed it until he put his arms around Even, burried his nose in his neck and breathed him in.

“Thanks“, he whispered in his ear. Even responded just with rubbing his hands over his back.

They hugged maybe a bit too long. But neither of them cared. And then Even really needed to get into the train and he let go of Isak, waved at him and sprinted with his long legs to the doors which someone had held open for him thankfully.

And Isak stared at him, watched him disappear between jackets and strange faces and tried to stay calm. He watched the train getting out of the station and stood there even when it was gone.

He stood there for a bit longer. Just a bit longer.

Then he sighed and closed his eyes.

_What am I doing with my life. What can I do? What can I do to just be normal?_

But on the other hand... normal wasn't, what had brought him Even. Normal wasn't what made him call him and ended up in eating breakfast together.

And that was a bit, just the tiniest bit, cheering up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... I got a bit emotional at the end^^.
> 
> Any thoughts about the kitten? What should be the name?:D
> 
> I'm thinking about giving Even a chapter as well... but I don't know when it'll be.
> 
> This chapter was just a bit banter between them. I wanted to bring them closer because they didn't have the chance to talk properly.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, have a great day!!
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. 
> 
> More chapters will follow.
> 
>  
> 
> <3


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